Chris' Blog

WWE Monday Night RAW – April 9, 2012

Last week on RAW we had the return of Brock Lesnar, who quickly made an impact by hitting the F5 on John Cena. JL is now officially the GM of both shows and Teddy Long has been demoted to his assistant, and we another return as well. Lord Tensai, formerly A-Train, made his return after many years destroying the human punching bag, Alex Riley. It would’ve been a better return had he had someone with talent, like Kingston. Tonight we will hear from Brock Lesnar and John Cena, I bet Cena still comes out with that goofy grin. With that let’s get it started!

We start with the most important news, the Three Stooges will be the guest host, yeah. Also tonight CM Punk will face Mark Henry, this time for the title. Can’t see them changing the title, but stranger things have happened. Raw is coming to us tonight from Washington DC, home of Batista, just saying. Now we’re joined by JL and David Otunga, , aka the vaccuum of heat, as Cole starts on the Twitter crap. JL says he wants to introduce a champion of champion, and we get the recap of the return of Lesnar. JL announces Brock Lesnar will face John Cena at Extreme Rules, hopefully it’s a complete destruction. Brock thanks JL for bringing legitimacy back to the WWE, and here comes Cena, at least he didn’t lose his smile! Cena gets in the ring and slaps Lesnar, and we have a brawl which empties the locker room. Almost everyone is out there including Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, Goldust, among others. Cena is bleeding from the mouth as he keeps trying to go after Brock. Cena just can’t help having a stupid grin on his face, even when he gets his ass kicked, as we go to commercial. That was an awesome opener, one of the best in years, hope they can maintain the momentum. After the commercial we get the full recap of what just happened. Backstage to Teddy Long, Otunga and JL who’s blaming Long for not controlling Cena, and JL wants an explanation from Cena now. As Long leaves Eve joins us and asks for her payment for Mania, she tells JL to call her. 
1. Brodus Clay & Santino Marella v. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

Brodus and Santino dance their way to the ring, which is hilarious to see actually. Nice to see them finally doing something with Clay, as we get highlights from last week, which led to tonight’s match. Way to not build the match for the PPV and instead just throw it on TV the following week. They could’ve done a couple of singles matches to build the heat and then have the tag match at Extreme Rules. Santino and Dolph do a nice back and forth sequence before making the tag to their respective partners. Michael Cole showing off his dinosaur knowledge by naing all these dinosaurs, as Swagger takes Clay down for the first time chopping the legs out. Team Swiggler continues to work over the Funkasaurus but Clay overpowers Dolph and tags Santino back in, and it’s quiet as Lawler and Cole seem to have disappeared, can we keep the show like this, seems like the show kept playing instead of commercials as it’s been one steady camera as well, odd. That was cool it played all the footage that took place during the commercial, as it flickered and now we’re back to normal, sadly that means Cole and Lawler and back and talking about dinosaurs again. This has been a great match so far, as Santino playing the Ricky Morton role, while Team Swiggler is very similar to the Midnight Express. Santino finally gets the hot tah and Clay runs right through Ziggler and hits the big splash for the victory. 8/10 a great tag team match, wouldn’t complain about a rematch at the PPV between these four. I hate to say it but this has been a great RAW so far.
1. Brodus Clay & Santino Marella defeated Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger 8/10

Backstage to JL with Miz, who’s kissing ass as usual and JL says they will talk next week. Teddy comes back and JL screams at him about Cena, and here’s Cena who takes a cheap shot at the Rock. Cena says he wants to compete tonight, anyone JL wants and leaves. JL tells Teddy to go tell Otunga he will face Cena tonight and JL will be in Otunga’s corner. Santino walking backstage runs into Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins, great to see them on RAW, even briefly. Santino is searching for the Three Stooges, I forgot about that garbage tonight, that might kill all the momentum they’re building tonight. Great more recaps of Lesnar/Cena from earlier in the night. Santino continues to search for the Stooges and runs into Kane instead, that’s not the stooge you were looking for Santino. Santino wisely leaves Kane alone as we head back to the ring for our next match.
2. R-Truth v. Cody Rhodes

Cue the Big Show’s music as the bell rings, and Truth starts out fast on the former IC Champion. Cody comes back with a classic Goldust uppercut and then the Alabama Slam, which brings out Big Show. Show plays the match from last week between Cody and Kofi on the big screen, which distracts Cody long enough for Truth to hit the Little Jimmy and score the win. DUD wasn’t even a match, lasted about a minute before Show got involved again.
2. R-Truth pinned Cody Rhodes with the Little Jimmy DUD

Santino still searching for the Stooges and finds a giant crate that says fragile and he pops it open to find the Stooges. Hilarity ensues, well at least in Vince’s mind as they do a bunch of stupid moves and jokes. 
3. Lord Tensai v. Yoshi Tatsu

This should be better then last week, as Tatsu at least has talent unlike Riley. Tensai quickly works over Tatsu and headbutts Tatsu in the corner. Tensai with the double arm suplex, which always looks amazing and follows with a nice senton bomb. A crushing avalanche in the corner followed by the double handed bomb and the ref stops the match. 4/10 much better then last week, I really hope Tensai gets a good solid push, he deserves his chance. After the match Tensai again does the claw on Tatsu.
3. Lord Tensai defeated Yoshi Tatsu 4/10

Time for some more highlights of CM Punk and Chris Jericho from last night, and we have the World Title match coming up after the commercials. Tomorrow we get a live Smackdown, called Blast from the Past and we got Mene Gene, Dusty Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Jim Duggan, Slaughter and tons of others. That could be the best episode of Smackdown ever. After commericals we get another recap of Punk and Jericho, I assume the rematch is at Extreme Rules.

Punk comes out with a very serious look on his face, Cena could learn from Punk, and takes the microphone. Punk says he’s straight edge for his reasons and he kept those reason private, but now they’re out. Crowd starts chanting for Punk, who says he wants to be the best in the world but instead Chris Jericho comes back and tries to get in his head. Punk says Jericho has taken it too far by pouring whiskey on him and smashing the bottle over his head, and when he was laying there all he could think was he smelt like his father did. He really does the facial expression so perfectly as he cut this promo, it’s amazing, as Jericho interrupts Punk and asks what is wrong with him. Jericho asks him if he’s hung over or tipsy still, he wonders if Punk is in the middle of his first bender. Punk says it’s not that, but Jericho calls him a loser and didn’t just break his sobriety but made him understand what it feels like to be CM Drunk, wonder when that shirt will come out? Punk tells Jericho he can’t break him and that he just made the biggest mistake of his life and will use all the anger on Jericho.
4. CM Punk v. Mark Henry for the RAW Title

Punk quickly jumps on Henry and drives a series of knees to the face of Henry but runs into the big man’s forearm. Henry sends Punk to the outside and follows the champion. Punk nails Henry in the ribs with the monitor and then bounces it off his head, drawing the DQ. Punk climbs to the apron and goes to crack Henry with the monitor, but is interrupted by Jericho who comes out with beer. The distraction allows Hnery to nail Punk and hit a World’s Strongest Slam on the champion. Henry follows up with another one and leaves Punk battered in the ring, as Jericho slowly gets in the ring. Jericho cracks open a beer and goes to pour it on Punk, but Punk tries to fight back and eats a Code Breaker. I hope this leads to the return of Austin, as Jericho pours the beer all over Punk. DUD wasn’t a match as it lasted less then a minute before the DQ. Punk staggers to his feet and gets nailed with another Code Breaker, as Jericho then rolls out of the ring and grabs the World Title. 
4. Mark Henry defeated CM Punk by DQ DUD

5. Zack Ryder v. Alberto Del Rio

Great, time for a squash match now, after three non matches, this show has really fallen since the opening and first match. Although the Jericho/Punk segment was good, but the match was a waste of time. We get a recap of the Sheamus/Del Rio match from Smackdown where Del Rio channelled his inner Eddie Guerrero. Del Rio quickly attacks Ryder but gets caught charging in the corner and eats the knees. Ryder hits the Broski Boot but the Rough Ryder countered into the turnbuckle and quickly locks on the cross armbreaker for the win. 1/10 wasn’t a complete squash but close enough. Lesson learned, if you get over and WWE doesn’t want you to they will bury you quickly.
5. Alberto Del Rio crushed Zack Ryder 1/10

Backstage to the Stooges again, and Curly says he has an idea and for them to head to the ring. This is going to be pathetic beyond belief, as the wheels have really fallen off this show tonight. After the commercials Moe and Larry are in the ring and the crowd already hates it. Here comes Curly, aka Will Sasso, dressed as Hulk Hogan complete with Real American. Sasso cuts a classic Hulk Hogan promo, and the crowd is booing this whole segment. Suddenly Kane’s music hits, and the crowd pops for it, I expect Sasso to be the only one to take a bump since he did a few matches in WCW. Moe and Larry bail out leaving Curly alone with Kane, and Curly Hulks Up to which Kane chokeslams Sasso down hard. That was a collosal waste of time, as we go backstage to Josh Matthews with Mark Henry, and a recap of the non-match between Punk and Henry. Henry says last week he won by countout and this week by disqualification and next week, no dq and no countout which means he is the next World Champion. More recaps as we replay the Cena/Lesnar stuff from when the show didn’t suck, and backstage to Josh with Lesnar now. Josh asks Brock if he’s proud to be back in WWE, and Brock says he’s proud of everything he does. Brock says he won the UFC title and made them a success, which is true, the only UFC show I ever watched was the one where Brock won the title. Brock says Cena couldn’t hold his jockstrap and knocked his mouth of his face, and is a war machine but not as proud as the fans are to have him back. Now more highlights of Undertaker/HHH from Wrestlemania, and everyone takes a minute to kiss up to HHH and Taker. 
6. David Otunga v. John Cena

It’s been about half an hour since we had a match, and it’s time for our main event. Cena of course talks to the camera and says what he always says, he’s still here. So his feud with Rock was “Rock left and Cena’s been here the whole time”, now the feud with Lesnar is “Brock left and Cena’s been here the whole time”, same story different guy. After the lockup Cena looks disguested by Otunga’s massive amount of oil he uses. Otunga gets the early advantage as the crowd does the usual split chant, Otunga looks like Chris Masters and Chris Rock had a baby, just saying. Otunga with a nice flying shoulder tackle and then into the rear chinlock, causing a “You Can’t Wrestle” chant, usually reserved for Khali. Otunga keeps wasting time posing and this allows Cena to make the comeback. Cena finishes the match with the usual, five knuckle shuffle to the AA to the STF for the submission win. 3/10 basically an extended squash, as once Cena got the advantage it was over. After the match Lesnar attacks Cena from behind with a low blow and hits the F5 on Cena for the second week in a row. Brock poses over Cena as the crowd chants “One More Time”, and the show ends finally with Cena down and hurt, but I’m sure next week he’ll be back with a big smile.
6. John Cena defeated David Otunga by submission 3/10

1. Brodus Clay & Santino Marella defeated Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger 8/10

2. R-Truth pinned Cody Rhodes with the Little Jimmy DUD

3. Lord Tensai defeated Yoshi Tatsu 4/10

4. Mark Henry defeated CM Punk by DQ DUD

5. Alberto Del Rio crushed Zack Ryder 1/10

6. John Cena defeated David Otunga by submission 3/10

The show started out great with an awesome brawl and a great tag match but quickly crashed and burned. We had four matches that were nothing followed by a horrid Three Stooges promo, which the crowd hated. The main event was basically another squash match but at least Cena ate another F5. Well at least Smackdown should be a lot of fun tomorrow with the legends.

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