Chris' Blog

TNA Impact – April 12, 2010


Last week on Impact we saw one of the dumbest ways to change a title since WCW did the 49’ers match years ago. We had eight girls in an elimination match, where the winner of each fall got a key to a lockbox. The four locked boxes contained an open contract, Poison the Tarantula, the Knockout Title, and being forced to do a striptease. Well, Tara lost her title but regained Poison, Velvet won the open contract, Daffney was to do a striptease and Angelina won the title. So, basically Tara gave up her title for her spider and Angelina wins a title by doing nothing. Way to devalue the title TNA, that title is almost as important as the WWF European title was. Daffney reluctantly started her striptease but unfortunately she was attacked by Lacey Von Erich who proceeded to disrobe. Angelina and Tara fought over the title as Velvet cashed in her contract and will face Angelina tonight, in a non title match. I’ll give TNA credit for giving the ladies so much time, about as much time as the WWE has given the divas all year combined, but this was a dumb way to change titles. After the ratings were broken down it showed the girls got the highest rated segments, which of course will mean we’re going to have more of the girls now. Not that I’m complaining about that, but I wish Daffney would’ve won the title, as I assume her feud with Tara is over. Also last week the nWo attacked Team 3D and the Motor City Machine Guns, ruining what was starting out as a good match. We also saw Ken Anderson beat Kurt Angle in a ladder match to gain control of the key which opens the lock of the cage door at Lockdown. Last week I said I hope the feud finally ends at Lockdown, and that’s not because I prefer the instant-feuds of the WWE. I enjoyed the long feud between Dreamer and Raven in ECW, but they kept it fresh by involving other people and it just didn’t feel like it dragged on, which Angle and Anderson’s feud is feeling like. I’ve always been a huge fan on Angle and always thought Anderson was going to be huge in WWE if he could’ve stayed injury free, they just need to spice up the feud with something. Anyways, let’s get down to the Impact Zone for this week’s Impact.

1. Jeff Jarrett makes his way down the ramp to the ring, as we waste no time with an opening video. Mike Tenay mentions this is the new start time for TNA, as they move an hour earlier. Jeff says almost eight years ago he founded TNA and TNA stands for Total Nonstop Action, really it’s not Tits and Ass? I’m seriously surprised after last week. Jeff says he won’t talk about kicking Sting’s ass; he’s going to do it now. Jeff then walks backstage, and heads up the rafters, screaming he’s not playing games tonight. Jeff is in the catwalk and catches Sting as he tries to escape and sends him tumbling down the steel stairs. At his age that might break his brittle old bones. Jeff hammers and chokes Sting, and Sting rakes the eyes of Jeff and starts to choke him but Jeff fights back. Sting’s obviously setting up Jeff as he heads to the ring, and Jeff follows with his back to the entrance way. Jeff pulls off Sting’s coat and continues to hammer him down as they fight up the ramp and Sting sent into the ring. Jeff grabs a hold of Sting and the lights go out, when they come back on Sting has the bat. Sting clobbers Jeff repeatedly with the bat and drives it in his throat. Jeff Hardy, RVD & Abyss quickly charge down the ring to make the save, but Sting bails out and disappears through the crowd. We go backstage to Flair and his team, as Flair’s still in the wheelchair. Flair says what happened to Jeff is just a preview of what will happen tonight and in St Louis Team Flair will destroy Team Hogan and Hulk-a-mania. Roode says tonight he’s got Jeff Hardy, and Jeff likes to fly like a bird but after tonight he’ll never fly again. Desmond says last week he took out Abyss with one shot and calls Abyss fallible and an animal and tonight he will tame Abyss. AJ says it starts tonight with a tag match and ends at Lockdown, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. We go to Mike Tenay & Taz who go over tonight’s card, as Abyss & Pope face AJ & Desmond plus Angelina versus Velvet. They’re interrupted by Team 3D and Jesse Neal heading to the ring. Bubba calls out the nWo and says they were supposed to have a match, but Hulk has changed it to a six man street fight with alls count anywhere.

2. Team 3D & Jesse Neal v Kevin Nash, Scott Hall & Sean Waltman. We come back from commercial and the match has started and Team 3D are destroying the nWo. Bubba hammering on Nash, D-Von working over Hall while Jesse has Waltman down. Bubba using the Singapore Cane and Jesse with a trash can over the head of Waltman. Who’s more winded at this point, as none of them look to be in shape, unless round is considered a shape? Bubba chases Hall up the ramp and unloads on him with the Cane. D-Von choking Nash in the corner as Neal slams down Waltman. Bubba puts the trash can lid on Waltman’s crotch and hits it with a cane. Nash taking a nap in the corner as Jesse unloads with the Cane on Waltman. Bubba cracks Nash with the trash can and works him in the corner. Waltman able to get a kick in on Neal as the crowd chants tables. Bubba puts the trash can on the head of Nash and knocks it off with the cane, which could knock out a tooth. Bubba tosses Nash gingerly to the floor and continues the offense on him, as Hall is getting taken apart by D-Von. Bubba slams Hall and D-Von dives off the top rope. Bubba gets the crowd to scream “Get the tables”, and team 3D obliges as they bring a table into the ring. Bubba sets the table in the ring as X-Pac slides in and eats a big boot from Bubba. Bubba puts Waltman on the table and Love Sponge gets in the ring distracting Bubba, and Waltman hits the X-Factor through the table on Bubba for the win. 3/10 what the hell was that? Team 3D and Jesse do all the work and X-Pac hits one move and scores the pin? What a stupid match and crappy way to start the show. Now the nWo stands victorious in the ring after getting destroyed for ten minutes. As they continue to hammer Bubba, Eric Young charges the ring with a hockey stick and clears the ring. Young says he has a bone to pick with Nash, and what he has in mind he wants Nash all by himself. Young challenges Nash to a cage match at Lockdown and says he’s going to get righteous. Christy chasing down Hulk backstage and asks about the beatings Team Hogan’s taken. Hulk says things could be better but they’ll prevail at Lockdown, and spots Eric Bischoff talking to Ric Flair. Hulk waits for Eric to come around the corner and asks what that’s about. Eric tells him not to jump to conclusions and Hulk tells him to come to his office.

3. Shannon Moore v Kaz. Well, this should be a good match actually, assuming they give it enough time. The bell rings and they lock up and Kaz overpowers Shannon down and they’re back up and in the corner. Kaz breaks and then shoves Shannon back, as Shannon taunts Kaz and they lock up again and Shannon with a go behind but Kaz counters to a side headlock and Shannon counter that to a wristlock. Kaz counters out to a side headlock and Shannon tries to shoot him in and Kaz grabs the Mohawk. Shannon tries again and Kaz grabs the Mohawk again and takes Kaz down. Tenay announces that Hall & Waltman will face Team 3D in the cage at Lockdown as Shannon works over the arm of Kaz, who counters and Shannon counters back. Kaz flips out and goes to a hammerlock, but Shannon flips Kaz over and hits a pair of armdrags back to the armbar. Kaz forces Shannon to the corner and goes to flip him out but Shannon still maintains the armbar and Kaz powers Shannon to the ropes and gets a break. Shannon sent in and slides under Kaz and hits the inverted atomic drop then drops an elbow for a one count. Shannon works over Kaz in the corner and gets sent to the opposite corner but comes back with a cross body block. Shannon sends Kaz in and Kaz holds the ropes and Shannon charges but gets backdropped to the floor. Kaz follows him out and hammers Shannon before sending him to the ring apron. Kaz tosses Shannon in and hits a slingshot legdrop for a near fall, and we see Doug Williams at the top of the ramp. Shannon sent to the corner twice and Kaz follows with a Northern Lights Suplex for a near fall. Kaz with a front facelock wearing down the Prince of Punk, as Doug joins Tenay and Taz on commentary. Shannon sent in and springs to the second rope and comes off with a cross body but Kaz catches him in a backbreaker for a near fall. Kaz goes back to the front facelock and Shannon fights out. Shannon off the ropes and goes for a victory roll countered into a really bad looking flub. Both men are down as someone seems to have screwed that up, as Shannon pulls him up in the corner. Kaz charges in and Shannon moves and follows with a spinning heel kick followed by a dropkick and Kaz bails out. Shannon goes for a baseball slide but Kaz moves and goes for a punch and Shannon counters and jumps to the apron and climbs the ropes. Shannon hits a beautiful diving moonsault to the floor and tosses Kaz back in. Shannon climbs the ropes again and hits a Hurricanrana for a near fall. Kaz in the corner and Shannon advances and Kaz sends him to the opposite corner. Shannon tries to jump over and gets caught as Kaz drops back with Shannon on his shoulders for a near fall. Kaz crotches Shannon on the top rope and dropkick him in the back. Kaz climbs up with him and Shannon elbows him down and dives down with a moonsault for a near fall. Shannon charges and Kaz rolls him up, multiple counters to multiple near falls. Tenay mentions they’re almost to the time limit, which gives away the ending to the match. Kaz rolls Shannon up as the bell rings and we get a time limit draw. 8/10 would’ve gone a nine if it had gone to finish, was a great match though. Should be a hell of a match at Lockdown with these two and Doug in the cage. Doug has the microphone as Kaz and Shannon shake hands, Doug calls them performing monkeys. Doug says the fans don’t want to see them and at Lockdown he’ll put an end to this, as Kaz and Shannon chase Doug backstage. Jeremy Borash is with Velvet Sky, who faces Angelina tonight; who says tonight will not be for the titles because the title is on the line at Lockdown in a tag match, ok whatever. The match is for the single and tag title and tonight’s match is a bra and panties match, why not. Hulk is in the office with Eric and says Eric crossed the line and says Eric screwed Jeff, threw Jay to the wolves and is hanging with Flair. Eric says Hulk knows who he is and he does things his way. Hulk asks about Eric and Flair, and Eric says Team Hogan is getting its ass kicked and he’s trying to gain Flair’s confidence. Eric says Hulk can believe him and leaves the office. Jay Lethal enters Hulk’s office and says something has to be done about the Band/nWo and says it’s time for the Megapowers to ride again. Hulk tells Jay to find his tights, and calls it his banana hammock, that was a gross image. JB is now with Angelina Love, who looks great tonight; who says she’s not surprised Velvet picked that. Angelina says she’s a wrestler and Velvet’s just a big joke. Angelina says she wants to prove she is the best, which brings in Tara who complains about how Angelina won the title. Angelina and Tara get face to face, as we go to Christy with Abyss and Pope. How many segments are we getting here, I’m getting dizzy. Pope calls Lockdown the defining moment of his career and maybe his life, as it’s going to be put up or shut up. Abyss says tonight they have Desmond and AJ, and last week Desmond tried to take him out but it’ll take more than a fire extinguisher. Abyss says to put him down they’ll have to take his last breath and he won’t let Hulk down.

4. Angelina Love v Velvet Sky. I bet this gets more time then the title match on RAW between Eve and Maryse. Velvet says this is not a Leather and Lace match because the fans don’t deserve to see her goodies, instead it’s going to be Angelina handcuffed while Velvet whips her ass. The ref handcuffs Angelina as we go to commercial; when we come back Velvet comes down the ring to the ramp. Angelina catches Velvet coming in the ring and kicks and stomps her quickly. Velvet hides in the corner as Velvet grabs the title and cracks Angelina in the face with the belt. This is stupid, and the crowd agrees. Velvet grabs the microphone and says this is now an I quit match, who does she think she is Vince McMahon? Velvet continues to stomp and choke Angelina as the crowd is crapping on this match. Velvet tells her to say she quits and Angelina screams no. Velvet rams Angelina’s head into the mat and grabs the riding crop and whips Angelina. Angelina refuses to quit and Velvet pulls her up and rams her in the corner and sets her up. Velvet grabs the mic and says she’ll strip her naked if she doesn’t quit, and this finally brings the crowd to life. Velvet rips off Angelina’s shirt exposing her bra, and Angelina calls Velvet a bitch. Velvet stomps her more and Lacey and Madison come down to join in, but Tara makes the save. DUD that was another waste of time, this show’s starting to really bore me. Tara helps Angelina up and undoes the cuffs as The Beautiful People flee. Angelina offers her hand to Tara, who just turns and walks away. We go back to Christy Hemme who’s backstage and Abyss is down, Abyss has been hit by a car. I bet Rikishi did it, and he did it for the Rock! Not like they haven’t stolen worse storylines. JB is now with Matt Morgan, who defends the tag titles against the Machine Guns, and must find a new partner tonight. Matt says we don’t need anyone and they can defend the title themselves, but if he has to find a partner he will because he plays by the rules and in comes Amazing Red. Red looks like Verne Troyer next to Morgan! Matt calls Red the best in the X Division and they’re a match in wrestling heaven. Matt tells him to set up Shelly or Sabin and then feed him to the carbon footprint.

5. Motor City Machine Guns v Matt Morgan & Amazing Red. Shelly and Matt start out and Matt overpowers Shelly who comes back with some kicks but Matt takes him down. Sabin runs in and gets taken down, and then side slams Shelly. Shelly tossed out and Sabin clotheslined out as we go to commercial. We come back and Red shoots in Sabin, who comes back with a shoulderblock. Red with a spinning headscissor and Shelly tagged in and eat an enziguri. Red hits a dropkick to the back of Shelly as Sabin tagged in. Red tumbles out and Sabin hits a running kick to the face of Red. Sabin tossed Red in and covers for a near fall. Sabin goes for a Suplex and Red drops down and hits a thrust kick followed by a springboard, but caught in a double team move from the Guns. Matt drags Red to the corner and makes the tag and Sabin hammers Matt but runs into a back elbow. Morgan with the multiple elbows in the corner and tosses Sabin face first to the buckle and a big boot on Shelly who then eats an avalanche. Matt tosses Sabin into Shelly and charges, but the Guns move and hit the stereo kick. Shelly to the top and dives down, but gets caught and Sabin dropkicks Morgan down. Morgan begs off in the corner and tags in Red; Red rolls in and hits a sunset flip, but Sabin counters and the Guns double team Morgan down. Shelly runs into a boot and Red hits the tornado DDT, Sabin with a forearm but turns into a vicious clothesline from Morgan. Red hits the Code Red on Sabin as Matt was going for the Helivator. 6/10 not a bad tag match, better than expected. Morgan stares at Red who’s holding one half of the titles and Matt offers a hand. Red takes the hand and Morgan kicks him in the yam bag then the multiple elbows in the corner. Matt pulls Red out of the ring and sets him up against the ringpost and goes for the kick, but the Guns save Red. We go backstage as they’re loading Abyss in the meat wagon, as Christy says they have surveillance video of what happened. They play the video and we see Abyss hit by a white car, and we see what looks like Desmond Wolfe driving.

6. Robert Roode v Jeff Hardy. They lock up and Roode overpowers Jeff in the corner, and Jeff slaps Roode. Roode with a headlock and Jeff shoot him in and Roode back with the shoulderblock. Roode off the ropes again and Jeff with an armdrag. Jeff slaps Roode again and Roode charges only to get armdragged down and Jeff with an armbar. Roode sends Jeff in and Jeff with a shoulderblock, Roode misses a dropkick and Jeff with a double legdrop. Jeff goes for Twist of Fate and Roode bails out and pulls out Jeff. Roode sends Jeff to the steel stairs and then tosses Jeff back in the ring. Roode pulls Jeff up and slams him back down before climbing the ropes. Robert drops a big knee to the chest and gets a near fall, and drives the knee to the back of the head now. Roode cranks back on Jeff’s neck, as the crowd is solidly behind Hardy. Hardy fights out and hits a jawbreaker on Roode and hits a nice kick. Both men are down and the ref counts, Roode first one up and we get a slugfest. Roode shot in and Jeff hits a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow followed by a front lay out Suplex. Roode in the corner and Jeff sent to the opposite corner and come back with a Whisper in the Wind. Jeff goes for Twist of Fate, countered into the Spinebuster for a near fall. Roode pulls Jeff to his feet and goes for a Suplex but Jeff counters into a Stunner and Jeff climbs the ropes. Jeff goes for the Swanton but Storm charges down the ramp which distracts Jeff. Jeff kicks off Storm and pushes Roode back and nails the Swanton for the win. 6.5/10 wasn’t a bad match, but a little short. After the match Storm attacks Hardy and rams him into the ringpost. Hardy tossed back in the ring and Storm follows with the bottle. Storm takes a swig and then blows a fireball in the face of Hardy! Stupid Spike TV doesn’t show it all we see is Jeff fall down, that was bullshit. RVD quickly charges down the ramp and attacks Storm but Roode catches him from behind and it’s two on one on RVD as they hit DWI on RVD. After the commercial we see the medical staff helping Jeff in the back, and we still don’t get to see the fireball, but it’s shown on the website. Tenay and Taz pimp the PPV. JB is with the Pope who needs a new tag partner, as Pope is praying for Abyss. Lethal walks in and calls JB Mene Gene and Pope Slick, and calls the opponents the Model and Dynamite Kid. I want whatever he’s taking, he’s in such a fun filled eighties world. In Jay’s world Reagan’s still president, Michael Jackson’s still alive and Night Court’s still on the air, such a happy time. We see Dog the Bounty Hunter in the crowd, who cares.

7. D’Angelo Dinero & Jay Lethal v AJ Styles & Desmond Wolfe. Dinero’s introduced and we wait for the introduction of Jay Lethal but he never comes out. We go backstage to see Beer Money destroying Jay backstage. Where’s Jake Roberts for the save? Lethal tries to fight back but the numbers overtake Lethal, but he sends Roode into the set and then turns into the beer bottle of James Storm. AJ makes his way down the ramp but without Ric Flair, which seems odd. Flair and Chelsea finally make their way down the ramp, as Chelsea looks hot in zebra print. Flair hands AJ a microphone and AJ says it looks like his partner has a drinking problem courtesy of Beer Money and it looks like a handicap match. Desmond comes down the ramp but Hulk Hogan appears behind him and lays him out with a lead pipe and tells security to get rid of him. Pope meanwhile is laying a beating on AJ and tosses him into the barricade, apron and stairs. Pope tosses Styles in the ring, and I guess this is a singles match now, as Pope puts AJ on his shoulders. AJ rakes the eyes and hits the Pele, but Pope comes back with a big right hand. Pope readies for the running knee and Flair gets up from the wheelchair and cracks Pope in the back of the head with the title. AJ and Flair double team Pope and Flair calls out Beer Money who join the massacre. Flair takes off his belt and whips the Pope and then AJ tosses the Pope over the top rope. Suddenly we see Hulk at the top of the ramp as we fade to black.

Match Recap:

1. nWo beat Team 3D & Jesse Neal 3/10

2. Shannon Moore & Kaz went to a time limit draw 8/10

3. Angelina Love & Velvet Sky went to a no contest DUD

4. Amazing Red & Matt Morgan beat Motor City Machine Guns 6/10

5. Jeff Hardy pinned Robert Roode 6.5/10

6. D’Angelo Dinero & Abyss Jay Lethal versus Desmond Wolfe & AJ Styles went to a no contest No Rating

Well, that was a whole lot of nothing. Most of the show was just hype for the PPV, and beat downs from Beer Money. Not a good episode of Impact tonight. This could be WWE’s chance to shine. Besides I have to complain about any show where Daffney is not featured, just saying is all.


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