Chris' Blog

TNA Impact – April 5, 2010

It’s the start of another week of wrestling, and we’re going to start with Impact. However before I begin this recap, I want to make an announcement. Effective immediately I am cutting back the recaps, for the immediate future I will only be doing one show per company per week, plus PPV. It’s easy with TNA and Wrestlicious, as they only have one show, but it’s a little more difficult with the WWE. Each week the WWE puts out 6 hours of TV, RAW, Smackdown, NXT, Superstars. So I had to decide which show would get recapped, and I decided to go with the only constantly good show, Superstars. I also went with Superstars because this way I get a little RAW and Smackdown on one show. There is just too much wrestling on each week, and I need to devote time to more important things. The last few weeks it’s been hard to get through all the shows, and something had to be done. It started to become more of a chore than a pastime, and it was either pare back the shows or stop all together. I’m still doing the PPVs and now I’ll be able to get back to the SNME recaps, which I haven’t done in over a month. So, today we’ll only be doing the Impact recap. With that, let’s get to the show.

We open the show with the recap of Abyss chokeslamming Ric Flair & AJ Styles, and highlights of Jeff Jarrett versus AJ Styles from last week. Abyss’ announcement of Jeff Jarrett joining team Hogan is also show. The four sided cage just doesn’t look as cool as the old six sides, just saying. From there we go to Christy Hemme who announces that tonight will be the first TNA Knockout Lock Box Showdown, to which she says the rules are simple. This is TNA the rules to their matches are never that simple. Anyways Christy says it will be an eight knockout elimination tag match, when a pin is done both participants are out. Well, right away that sounds stupid, why go for a pin if you get eliminated too? The winner gets a key to the lockbox and the loser gets nothing, the four winners open their boxes later. One has Tara’s spider Poison, one has an open contract to face anyone, one has to strip down and walk around the ring, and one has the Knockout title. Madison & Velvet walk in and Velvet says they will take three out of the four boxes, and will squash the spider, challenge anyone they choose and win the Knockout title. Madison says tonight the Beautiful People get it all, everything they deserve and expect. Lacey comes in, wrapped in a towel, and says tonight no one will ever forget when they see Lacey in her bra and panties and everyone wins. Now we go to our opening video, to which the music still sucks!

1. Jeff Jarrett, Abyss & Hulk Hogan head down the ramp to the ring. Well, at least the way things look for this tag match Hulk and Flair won’t be in the ring for the match. That’s a good thing, as we don’t need to see either in the ring again. Hulk has the microphone as the crowd chants Hogan, and he starts by saying they have horsepower in team Hogan. Hulk says it’s real cut and dry, the dirtiest player in the game has shown his colors over and over again. Hulk says Abyss wants to be the big dog he needs to lead Team Hogan. Abyss tells Flair he may be a legend but he’s never dealt with the likes of Abyss and at Lockdown in the Lethal Lockdown match then Flair will learn the definition of pain and suffering. Abyss says he doesn’t care who the other three member of Team Flair are, team Hogan will kick their ass. This of course brings out Ric Flair, still in his wheelchair, along with the beautiful Chelsea. Joining Flair is Sting, Desmond Wolf & Beer Money Inc. I guess this is Team Flair, interesting group, as Flair tells Hulk he has to be kidding as he mocks Team Hogan. Flair introduces his team, Desmond, BMI & Sting; well they could’ve done the announcement a little better, but whatever. Flair brings Chelsea to the front and tells Hulk he has his Hall of Fame ring because he is the Hall of Fame and will shove the ring down Hulk’s throat. Hulk tells Flair to shut up and says he sees what he has on the stage and feels the power of Team Hogan and warns Flair not to sell him short. Hulk says they will announce the final two when the time is right, and Flair says everyone wants to be with the Nature Boy. Flair sends his team to the ring and Jeff tells Sting to hold on and has one question for him. Jeff tells Sting to get in the ring without the bat and alone, and Sting hands the bat to Wolfe and gets in the ring. Jeff says he’s known Sting for over twenty years and he asks Sting why now the dark side has come out of him. Jeff says he may not deserve an answer but the fans too, and Sting laughs at Jeff who slaps him. Sting the DDTs Jeff down and Desmond hammers Abyss with the bat. BMI jumps in the ring and they target Hulk, but Jeff Hardy & RVD try to come through the crowd. I say try to, but some old lady won’t move fast enough, that looks hilarious as the struggle past her. Well, now we know the final two for team Hogan, should be an interesting match. Someone in the truck screws up as we get shots of the empty ring during the brawl, not once but twice.

2. RVD v James Storm. We come back from commercials as the match has already started and Storm is working over RVD in the corner. Storm sends him in the opposite corner, but RVD up and over and kicks Storm in the face. Storm sent to the opposite corner and RVD with the monkey flip gets a near fall. RVD hammers Storm in the corner but sent to the corner, and RVD sends Storm to the apron and kicks him to the barricade. RVD goes for a baseball slide and Storm catches him and tosses Van Dam headfirst to the barricade. Storm tosses RVD back in the ring, and does the Randy Orton rope assisted DDT for a near fall. Storm pulls RVD up and hits a nice snap Suplex, don’t forget to follow Dixie Carter on Twitter so says Mike Tenay! James Storm with a rear chinlock, but RVD fights his way out and hits the spinkick on Storm. Both men pull themselves up with the ropes and a slugfest ensues with RVD getting the better. RVD hits another spinkick and follows that with a lariat then the Rolling Thunder for another near fall. RVD tries for reverse DDT but Storm holds the ropes and pulls off an enziguri stunning Van Dam. Storm hits the Eye of the Storm and gets another near fall. Storm sent to the corner and catches Van Dam with the back elbow but tries to send him to the buckle. RVD blocks and hits a big kick to the head followed by the front slam. RVD connects with the split legged moonsault for the victory. 7.5/10 a great match, would’ve liked a little more time, but can’t really complain. After the match Storm breaks the beer bottle over the head of RVD, and RVD rolling on the mat holding his eyes. Please tell me where not going with a blindness angle, as the medics quickly comes to check on Van Dam. After the commercial we see the medics still helping a bloody RVD as Storm taunts Van Dam and from behind Hardy attacks Storm and James quickly flees. Jeff checks on Van Dam, as Roode slides in behind Hardy and hits a spinebuster on Jeff. Beer Money has left Hardy and RVD laid out as we go backstage to Christy Hemme. Christy is with one of the Knockout teams, Hamada, Tara, ODB, and Angelina Love. Hemme asks Tara about the match, as she can regain Poison, retain her title or leave with nothing. Tara says the match is a joke and TNA just wants ratings and they’re using her and she’s tired of it. Angelina says she understands how she feels, but there is no fair in wrestling and life’s a bitch. Angelina says she is leaving with the title, and Tara says she’ll be stealing the title from her. ODB says talk about PMS, and she’s going after the contract so she can go after AJ. Hamada says something in Japanese, and Christy says what she said as we go back to the ring.

3. Homicide v Rob Terry. Been a while since we’ve seen Homicide in the ring, but I bet he gets crushed in this match. They’re hell bent on pushing Terry as an unstoppable monster, and now he has a nickname, The Freak! Homicide attacks Terry before the bell and comes off the ropes and eats a clothesline. Terry tosses Homicide with one hand off the top rope but misses the big boot. Homicide quickly chops Terry and runs at him for the monkey flip and Terry just shoves him off. Terry press slams the much smaller man and drops him down hard. Rob picks up Homicide and tosses him across the ring again, with ease no less. Homicide tries to fight back and runs into a shoulderblock from the big Brit. Terry readies for a powerslam, but Homicide drops down and Terry just shoves him back. Terry charges in the corner and Homicide gets the boots up and comes off the top. Terry catches him and nails the powerslam for the easy victory. 4/10 wasn’t a bad match for a squash. I hate to say it but Terry’s growing on me, slowly. After the match Homicide comes in with a chair and clobbers Terry in the back, and Terry just turns around. Homicide then cracks him over the head, with an unprotected chairshot which really annoys me, and Terry no sells. Homicide looks out to the crowd and turns into a spinebuster, as the blood runs down Terry’s face. We suddenly see Orlando Jordan on the top of the ramp with a crown on and white stuff all over his chest and face. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

4. Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky, Lacey Von Erich & Daffney v Hamada, Angelina Love, ODB & Tara. I hope this is the night Daffney finally gets the title, that would make me happy, but I bet she’s the first one pinned. Have I said I like Daffney? So, basically the rules are its elimination style, but both the person pinned and doing the pinning is eliminated. The person who scores the pin gets a key to a locked box, which will be opened later. Inside the boxes are Poison, a contract, being forced to walk around the ring in bra and panties and the TNA Knockout title. Why does TNA always have to do such screwy matches, with such ridiculous rules and outcomes? Why not just do the eight woman elimination match, with the winner getting the title, or if more than one from a team is left they face off later for the belt. This just cheapens the title doing this stuff. Anyways, let’s see how much time they actually give this match, Daffney looks great in green! Angelina & Madison start the match, and they lock up with Angelina going to an armbar and tags in Tara. Tara gets kicks in the stomach and eats a knee to the head. Madison with a headscissor and stomps her to the mat, that looked cute. She then walks over Tara and gets caught up top. Tara quickly hits the Widow’s Peak to eliminate Madison and win herself a key at only a minute and fifteen seconds in. Daffney goes after Angelina and brings her in the hard way as we go to commercial. We come back and Velvet has a headlock on ODB, as Daffney & Hamada are gone now. Way to freaking eliminate people during the commercial, you jackasses. We see from during the break Hamada misses a moonsault and Daffney scoring a pin and getting a key. Is it bad I want her to do the stripping almost as much as I want her to win the belt? ODB fights out of the headlock and sends Velvet to the corner and follows with the avalanche and a shoulderblock. Velvet sent in and ODB catches her in midair for the fall away slam. They flub up something and ODB gets a near fall, what the hell was that? ODB gets Velvet on her shoulders and Velvet drops down and hits DDT for the pin and gets key number three. Lacey kicks ODB out, as we’re down to Lacey and Angelina left in the match. Angelina off the ropes with a clothesline and pummels Lacey and beats her in the corner. Angelina runs into a big boot and Lacey goes for the moonsault elbow but misses. Angelina quickly hits the Lights Out on Lacey for the pin and final key at the four and a half minute mark, not including the commercial break. 6/10 what we got was good, but needed more time. Still at least they get more time then the divas in WWE ever get. We see the four lock boxes and they’ll be opened later tonight.

5. Ken Anderson v Kurt Angle. This is a ladder match, with the key to the cage hanging in the balance. Was there a sale on keys in Florida this weekend? Angle quickly goes for Angle Slam and Anderson slides down and hits the rolling slam. Anderson goes for the ladder and brings it in the ring, as its set on the ropes. Anderson Suplexes Angle on the ladder and then sets it up, but changes his mind and puts in the corner. Anderson goes to toss Angle in and Angle reverses to a belly to belly Suplex into the ladder. Angle sets the ladder up and hammers Anderson then goes to send him into the ladder, Anderson reverses and Angle slides under but Anderson shoves the ladder into him. Anderson now resets the ladder and climbs up and has his hand on the key, but Angle catches him in the Angle Slam. Anderson gets kicked out of the ring and Angle is alone in the ring and climbs the ladder. Anderson rolls in the ring and shoves the ladder, sending Angle over the top to the floor, and we get another shot of the empty ring from earlier in the night, someone’s getting fired for that. The crowd starts the Holy Shit chant, and they try to censor it, as the ref checks on Angle. Anderson sets up the ladder as Angle pulls himself back up as Anderson climbs up. Angle climbs the ropes and hits a missile dropkick to the ladder, sending Anderson down hard. Angle hits a release German Suplex and then lays the ladder in the ring. Angle places Anderson on the ladder and hammers the head of Anderson before climbing the ropes. Angle hits the moonsault on Anderson on the ladder, which was impressive looking. Angle then tosses Anderson shoulder first to the ring post and sets up the ladder again. Angle begins the climb as Anderson grabs the medal of Angle and pulls Angle off the ladder and chokes him with the medal. Angle fighting through the pain grabs the key but Anderson chokes him out and Angle collapses. Anderson climbs up and pulls down the key with ease as Angle is out. 6.5/10 wasn’t a great match, way too much stalling and laying around for me but some of the moves were amazing. I think this feud needs to end at Lockdown, as we’ve seen the matches between enough now. After the match Anderson says he’s got a bottle of bubbly backstage waiting for him, not to celebrate his victory tonight but his victory at Lockdown. Anderson says the only person he’ll be partying with is Mr. Anderson…Anderson. We go backstage to JB with Hulk Hogan, as JB asks about Eric screwing Jarrett and Jay Lethal being fed to the wolves. Hulk says what happens between him and Eric stays between them and he won’t talk about Eric in front of everyone. Jeremy asks where Eric is and Bubba comes in and tells JB to leave. Hulk asks Bubba why he’s running with nWo, and says he brought in Bubba. Hulk says this is his business and he’s running with the wrong crowd, and Bubba says he’s having fun now and leaves. Lethal now joins Hulk and asks how he’s doing and says he’s been thinking. Lethal makes Megapower references and says he has Hulk’s back. We see the nWo arrive as we go to commercial. After the break Christy is with Matt Morgan who says he is the tag champions, as she asks about Hernandez. Matt says he almost lost the title because of Hernandez and due to his injury he’s out for a while. Christy asks who will be his new partner; Matt says he is the new tag champion by himself. Matt keeps saying we, and Christy says he’s the only one standing there and will have to defend against the winner of the next match.

6. Motor City Machine Guns v Team 3D. Before the match we see highlights from Explosion, didn’t even know that was still on. They had two refs and both teams scored a pin at the same time, thus this is the rematch. Bubba and Sabin start out, and Bubba powers him down and works the arm. Sabin rolls out and counters to his own arm bar. Bubba rolls out and punches Sabin, Sabin fires back and kicks Bubba repeatedly but runs into a big boot. Bubba misses a second one and eats a spinkick; Sabin follows with a springboard crossbody. Shelly tagged in and they hit the stereo roundhouse, but Bubba chops Shelly and tags in D-Von. D-Von takes down Shelly and hits a diving headbutt, then locks in a bearhug. Bubba sends Shelly in, and Shelly holds the ropes and kicks D-Von then makes the tag. Sabin with a flying forearm and then a double dropkick on both members of Team 3D. Bubba goes for a clothesline and Sabin ducks as Bubba nails D-Von. Sabin hits an enziguri on Bubba and they hit the sandwich kick on D-Von. Shelly tagged in and they hit a combo crossbody neckbreaker for a near fall. The Guns double team D-Von but Bubba nails both and slams Sabin down. D-Von hits the what’s up, can they stop doing that move, seriously? Bubba calls for the tables, and D-Von pulls a table out from under the ring as Bubba stomps the Guns. Suddenly D-Von is attacked from behind by X-Pac, and he sends D-Von to the post. The match is then thrown out. DUD Nash hammers Bubba with brass knuckles and they triple team Bubba. They toss Bubba in the ring and X-Pac hits the X-Factor on Bubba. Hall grabs Sabin and hits the Edge on him and Nash sets Shelly for the powerbomb but instead clotheslines him. X-Pac hits a legdrop on Shelly then grabs the spray paint. X-Pac paints the back of Sabin and cracks Bubba in the head with the can as we go to commercial. We come back and Nash has the mic and Bubba Sponge comes to the ring. Nash says he has a message for the world, they might not sign the checks but they’re running this show. Nash tells Hulk to stop worrying about Flair and Bischoff, as they’re the least of his worries, he the Hulk’s worst nightmare. Nash says they’ve carried Hulk for fifteen years and that they learned from Hulk and now they run the show and are the show. Nash says if people don’t like them, he has three people in the ring who like him. JB is backstage with the Pope, who faces Desmond tonight. Pope says at Lockdown Pope will make history and win the world title and last week Wolfe got one over on him with help from Chelsea. Pope says tonight will be a different story, as Desmond and Chelsea walk in. Desmond says where he’s from people don’t get second chances and he should be facing AJ at Lockdown and he can pull double duty. Pope says there are no excuses and if he wants to face AJ, if he beats Pope tonight he can have the match but tonight will be a whole new ballgame.

7. Doug Williams v Generation Me. Doug has the microphone and asks for a moment of the crowd’s time and says while he stands in the ring as champion he wishes to make a point that the days of the acrobats stinking up the division is over. Doug says those clowns need to go back to the circus and there is an alternative and they can learn to wrestle. Doug says being the master he wants to be addressed as Douglas Williams now, and says he has arranged a gauntlet match with Generation Me. Matt & Jeff Hardy 2010 make their way to the ring, and Doug faces Jeremy first. Jeremy with an armbar and Doug fights out and sends Jeremy to the ropes, but Jeremy springs to the second rope and hits a moonsault. Jeremy hammers Doug and tries to shoot him in but Doug holds the ropes and pummels Jeremy. Jeremy sent in and Doug charges and eats a kick. Jeremy hits a springboard face plant for a near fall. Jeremy with a thrust kick to the back of the head and climbs the ropes and jumps. Doug moves and Jeremy lands on his feet and goes for a go behind, Doug counters and hits Chaos Theory for the first pin. Max runs down the ramp and dives over the ropes nailing Doug. Doug misses a clothesline and Max with a headscissor takedown. Max hits a dropkick and hammers Williams and chops him down. Max sends Doug to the buckle and sends him in the opposite corner. Max follows with an elbow and slams Doug down and drops a leg for a near fall. Max climbs the ropes and Doug kicks the ropes sending Max down. Doug locks on a front guillotine and Max taps out. 7.25/10 was actually a lot better than I expected, Doug impresses me each time I see him. Generation Me could become big stars, as they’re very impressive in the ring. After the match Doug will not release the hold and Shannon Moore comes out to make the save. Shannon drops a leg and hits a spinning heel kick. Shannon grabs the makeup and goes after Doug who quickly escapes. Shannon says there is no room in the X Division for boring wrestlers like Doug Williams and tells him if he has a set to give Moore a title shot at Lockdown. Backstage Christy is with Team 3D, and Bubba asks what the hell was that, no reason for the attack. Bubba calls them Wolf Pack and says in fifteen years their paths never crossed but next week they will. They challenge them to a match next week, and D-Von calls them a cancer in every company they’ve been in.

8. Desmond Wolfe v D’Angelo Dinero. Wolfe goes after Pope on the ramp, and Pope catches him and quickly hammers Desmond down. Pope tosses Wolfe in the ring and goes after him, but caught by Wolfe. Wolfe hammers Pope on the ropes as we get dueling chants early. Pope gets taken down with a flying hammerlock and Wolfe then sets him in the corner. Wolfe put Dinero on the ropes and goes for the Tower of London, but Pope drops down and Wolfe charges the corner and Pope moves. Desmond misses a clothesline and Pope connects the quick hands and Pope readies for the DDE, but instead hits a Codebreaker for a quick win. 5/10 way too short was expecting a great match and was almost a squash. Disappointing. Pope celebrates on the ramp and AJ attacks him from behind and clotheslines Pope into the ring. AJ stomps Pope and hits the Styles Clash on him, and out comes Abyss for the save. AJ quickly bails out, but Desmond in from behind and nails Abyss. Abyss unloads on Wolfe but AJ from behind clips Abyss and hammers down Pope again. Wolfe grabs a fire extinguisher and cracks Abyss in the head with it.

9. The Knockouts unlock the lock boxes. Jeremy Borash is hosting the event as Daffney, Velvet, Tara and Angelina are ready to open their boxes. Velvet goes first and her box contains the Open Contract! Tara’s turn as she could get her title back, or Poison, or a striptease. Tara’s box contains her pet spider Poison, which means we will have a new champion tonight. So either Angelina or Daffney will be the champ and the other will strip, well, it’s a win/win situation to me! They open their boxes and Daffney gets the striptease, while Angelina regains her title. Daffney starts to leave and JB tells her if she doesn’t strip she’s fired, and Zombie Hot heads to the ring. Daffney removes her hat and then the choker collar she wears, as we have the strangest music playing. As she starts to remove her outfit, Lacey charges down the ramp and cracks her with the ugly stick. Lacey removes her robe to reveal a little pink outfit. Well, I’m disappointed I was looking to Daffney personally. Lacey removes the outfit to expose her bra as Tara and Angelina are fighting at the top of the ramp. Lacey continues her striptease as Tara and Angelina brawl to the ring. Velvet has a mic and says Lacey turned up the heat tonight but broke the rule of upstaging the Beautiful People and will face Angelina next week in a leather and lace match.

Match Recap:

1. RVD pinned James Storm 7.5/10

2. Rob Terry crushed Homicide 4/10

3. Eight Woman Elimination Match 6/10

4. Ken Anderson beat Kurt Angle 6.5/10

5. Motor City Machine Guns and Team 3D went to a no contest DUD

6. Doug Williams beat Generation Me 7.25/10

7. D’Angelo Dinero destroyed Desmond Wolfe 5/10

Well, if you’re looking for lengthy matches, you’re in the wrong place. The matches felt rushed as usual, and only two matches were good. RVD is always impressive to watch, and I like Storm and they put on a good match. Terry’s Goldberg style push continues, and he’s getting better, slowly. The Knockout match could’ve been so much better, but was too short for what it was. Glad to see Angelina with the title again, but wish they’d let Daffney finish stripping first, just saying. I’ve had enough of Anderson and Angle; they’ve faced each other so many times it’s getting boring now. The tag match was crap, as I’ve had enough of the nWo crap, its 2010 not 1996 people. Doug Williams is quickly becoming one of my favorites, and Generation Me is very fun to watch, making this a good match. The Pope/Desmond match was a major letdown, as I really had high hopes, but the match was too short. At least we had no Eric Bischoff crap this week, so that was good. Wasn’t a bad show, but could’ve been better.

Quick RAW thoughts:

· Nice to see Swagger with the title how long till they screw it up, tonight probably

· Love how they merge Show’s music with whoever he’s teaming with

· So, I assume Orton’s going to squash Swagger tonight

· Sheamus and Kofi in the same ring really shows how pasty Sheamus is

· Does the live audience have to listen to Sheamus’ music that whole time

· Why is there always a sledgehammer under the ring

· Divas in evening gown, like that’ll make them wrestle better

· King was waiting for a bra and panties match, would’ve been a little better at least

· So WWE Divas match went a total of two and a half minutes, that’s pathetic

· Will any company ever give the women time for a good match

· At least the Bellas didn’t win, we can be thankful for that

· Who didn’t see Batista and Cena coming to blows

· As always the guest host gets in a match

· DiBiase with the Million Dollar Title is pretty cool for nostalgia

· So are we going to have a DiBiase versus DiBiase match

· They should do Randy, Cody & Ted versus Bob, Dusty & Ted that would be vintage

· Well, finally a push for Ted DiBiase, let’s see how long till he hits the glass ceiling

· Speaking of glass ceiling, here comes Swagger, he’s due to hit it soon

· Who decided to bring back the Garvin Stomp and how do we get him fired

· That’s how you build a new champion, job him out, freaking brilliant

· I bet Swagger loses the belt back at Extreme Rules if not before that

· It’s sad when Miz is the man with most talent in two matches

· So who’s a worse wrestler, Cena or Otunga

· How many people watching this have any idea who Otunga is anyway

· I’d love to see Otunga turn on Cena during the match

· Well, I called that happening

· Otunga reminds me of Marcus Cor Von/Monty Brown

· Great another Batista/John Cena match just what we needed

Overall not a bad episode of RAW, at least the backstage crap was kept to a minimum. The DiBiase/Christian match was great as was Orton/Swagger but I don’t understand jobbing the new champ. What was the point of the battle royal, Eve was obviously going to win, and it was so short. That and why is it when they do a female battle royal they can be eliminated going through the ropes? I’d have to call this one for RAW, making the score 3-2 for Impact. Can RAW tie it up next week, well they have a guest host that might be entertaining in David Hasselhoff.


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