Chris' Blog

Monday Night RAW – March 8, 2010


The Monday Night Wars are in full effect, as TNA put forth a great show this week.WWE is countering TNA’s debut episode with John Cena facing Vince McMahon. Not sure how they decided this was going to be a good main event, as I don’t think it’ll be better than TNA’s main event. Also tonight we have special guest host Criss Angel, which should be moderately entertaining. At least he’s new and fresh, unlike Cheech and Chong from last week which have not been relevant since the seventies. I wish they’d give up on the guest host idea; it’s been a failure so far with only a few being interesting. Well, let’s see how WWE compared to TNA tonight.

1. Undertaker opens the show, as we hear the familiar gong, hope no one sets his on fire this time! Undertaker takes the first three minutes of the show for his slow walk to the ring and says last week was symbolic of what Shawn’s life has become since he became number seventeen in the streak. The crowd starts an HBK chant as Undertaker continues by saying that Shawn’s life has now got a dark cloud hovering over him and his obsession with riding himself of the cloud will cause him to pay the ultimate price, his career. Undertaker tells Shawn after Wrestlemania there will be no tomorrows, Shawn’s going to lose his smile again, it will be the same dark cloud over his head for the rest of his life. Undertaker says it brings him no joy in ending Shawn’s career, which brings out the Heartbreak Middle Aged Man, who walks out with a purpose. Shawn says not tonight, Undertaker doesn’t get to finish his line, and says for the last year it’s hung over his head like a dark cloud. Shawn says he had an epiphany, is that the word for tonight, as he says he had no choice but to cost Undertaker his title at Elimination Chamber but Undertaker had a choice about interfering in his match. Shawn says that’s when he knew in the cold black heart of Undertaker exists fear. Undertaker tells Shawn to choose his next words very carefully, and Shawn yells out fear because he’s the only one who knows how close Shawn came to ending it for him at Wrestlemania. Shawn says he wouldn’t risk everything if he didn’t know he could beat him and no one lives a perfect life and nothing lasts forever. Shawn says at Wrestlemania he’s going to prove it, Undertaker says he can’t tell if he’s looking at a confident man or a man who’s full of pitiful desperation. Shawn responds that he’s not desperate and last year he would’ve taken anything to have his hand raised in victory, but not this year as he tells Undertaker he wants to make the match no countout and no disqualification. Shawn promises to kick Undertaker’s teeth down his throat and beat him, Undertaker responds that Shawn has chosen his own demise and he sees the fire in Shawn’s eyes. Undertaker says he sees that Shawn thinks he can win at Wrestlemania and that’s what makes him the showstopper, the main eventer, Mr. Wrestlemania but not this year. Undertaker tells Shawn he may be the greatest but at Wrestlemania he will open the gates of hell and unleash a fury that no mortal man has ever seen to make sure Shawn’s career ends. Shawn gets in Undertaker’s face and tells him to keep telling himself that and the dark cloud will come back and hang over Undertaker and follow him everywhere he goes. Shawn tells Undertaker the image will haunt him forever, the image of Shawn Michaels ending his undefeated streak. Well that was fifteen minutes of nothing interesting, not a great way to start the show. They really should’ve started with a good match.

2. Gail Kim, Eve & Kelly v Alicia Fox, Katie Lea & Maryse. Well, this has all the makings of a massive train wreck, only two of these divas are any good in the ring, and it’s not Kelly, Eve, Alicia or Maryse. Gail & Alicia start, and Alicia with a go behind and Gail counters to a side headlock takeover. Gail gets caught with an elbow and tossed to the corner, but Alicia misses a charge in, and Gail slides to the apron. Alicia goes for a shoulderblock but Kim jumps and lands on Alicia’s neck sending her outside, which looked bad. Gail tosses her back in and nails a forearm, but sent to corner and Gail comes out with an elbow and climbs the ropes. Katie comes over and Gail nails her but turns into a big boot from Alicia which gets a near fall. Alicia sends Gail into Maryse’s boot and tags Maryse in. Maryse with a nice backbreaker on Gail then gets a cheapshot on Kelly. Gail slaps Maryse and tags in Eve, who ducks under a clothesline and nails Maryse with one of her own. Eve with a pair of dropkicks gets a near fall, but Maryse quickly fires back and shoots her in. Eve catches her with her head down and then slams her down hard, and follows with the rolling senton for a near fall, as Katie and Alicia save the match. They double team Eve, and Kelly and Gail dropkick them out. Eve pulls herself up in the corner and Maryse charges in. Eve gets an elbow in and climbs the ropes, but Maryse slaps her. Eve gets a rolling armbar off the top rope for the win. 6.25/10 not a bad match, but Katie and Kelly didn’t even get in the match. Katie’s days are numbered in WWE I think, her and Jillian will probably be gone after Wrestlemania. We go backstage to Criss Angel with Hornswoggle, as the Bella Twins come in and want to be Criss’ guest assistants. Criss says he doesn’t use twins so they ask for a demonstration, so he does one of his tricks for the twins. Jillian joins the crowd and says she will be Criss’ assistant tonight and can sing his introduction, and starts singing for Angel. Criss tells her to stop and does a magic trick to steal her voice, whatever.

3. Miz & Big Show come down the aisle with all the gold, when are they going to make one set of tag titles? Miz says last week John Morrison and R-Truth earned the right to face ShowMiz at Wrestlemania and makes fun of them earning the right. Miz says not since Lex Luger and British Bulldog teamed at Wrestlemania 11 has such a team with such little credibility earned such a great opportunity. Miz says they’d rather face the Bushwackers; at least they’re a real team, and say shame on the superstars in the locker room not being worthy adversaries. Miz says they are the last great tag team in the WWE, which brings out John Morrison.

4. Miz & Big Show v John Morrison & R-Truth. So we’re getting the Wrestlemania Tag Title match tonight, why? What happened to having two distinct brands anyway? Some guy in the crowd is dressed as Mario! Truth and Miz start out and Truth opens up on Miz while Morrison baseball slides Show down. They quickly double clothesline Miz out and double baseball slide Miz. The ref calls for the bell ending the match. DUD wasn’t even a match. Show quickly comes around and scoops up Truth and tries to send him to the post, but Morrison saves him and they send Show to the post then double DDT Show on the floor. Morrison & Truth hammer Miz and double Suplex him on the barricade now. Truth & Wisdom get in the ring and Morrison has the mic and says they are a real team and Truth says his catchphrase as they stand in the ring. We go backstage to Angel with Evan Bourne who thanks him for the opportunity to face Regal for the chance to be in the MITB. Skip Sheffield from NXT joins them and shakes Criss’ hand and says hello to Evan as Regal comes in. Regal says see you in the ring, Evan says I’ll be there. Skip asks for a trick from Angel and Regal makes fun of Skip. Angel does his trick, as Skip is the new Festus as he keeps calling him Coach Regal.

5. Legacy v Randy Orton. It’s time for the WWE handicap match now, as we had one on TNA as well. Orton attacks Legacy as they come down the ramp and quickly hammers both men. Orton slides in the ring and waits for Legacy to come in the ring as we go to commercial. We come back as Rhodes enters the ring and Orton waits patiently. A lockup and they wind up in the corner where Rhodes gets the cheap shot in, but Orton spins him around and pounds Rhodes. Orton hits a back elbow and Rhodes retreats to the corner and tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase quickly hammers Orton and shoots him in. Orton reverses but puts his head down and DiBiase charges at him and Orton nails a big clothesline. DiBiase now retreating to the corner and tags in Cody, as King makes a stupid joke. Orton immediately hammers Rhodes and sends him in the corner but misses the charge and DiBiase gets a cheapshot in. Rhodes stomps Orton in the corner and while he has the ref DiBiase chokes Orton. Rhodes drives an elbow to the back of the head of Orton and sends him to the ropes. Orton hooks the ropes and Cody charges only for Orton to backdrop him out. DiBiase sneaks in and tries to attack Orton, who turns around and DiBiase bails as we go to commercial. We come back and Orton hammering on Rhodes and nails a clothesline. Rhodes gets a jawbreaker on Orton and sends him out of the ring right to DiBiase who Orton clotheslines. Orton gets on the apron and pops Rhodes, but DiBiase pulls him down and nails a perfect dropkick on Orton on the floor. Rhodes follows outside and rams Orton’s head into the ring and then punches him before rolling him in the ring. The crowd is chanting Randy as Orton drops the knee then tags in DiBiase, and they double team Orton. DiBiase with a rear chinlock as he screams at Orton at the same time. Orton fights his way out but eats a clothesline from Ted DiBiase which gets a near fall, and DiBiase argues with the ref. Ted picks him up and sets him in the corner before tagging in Cody who comes in with a perfect dropkick for another near fall. Rhodes drives the elbow in the face of Orton then kicks him as Orton pulls himself up and Rhodes continues the offense. Cody channels his former tag partner by picking up Randy’s leg while he’s on the ropes and kicking him in the midsection, shades of Hardcore Holly. Rhodes throws Orton in the corner and tags in DiBiase as they once again double team Orton, and then DiBiase chokes Orton. Rhodes tagged back in and works the arm then sends Orton in the corner and tags in DiBiase. Orton comes back with a pair of clotheslines and then powerslams both men. Orton opens up on DiBiase in the corner, but the ref pulls him back and DiBiase gets a boot in. DiBiase runs in and gets caught in a backbreaker, as Orton looks up at the Wrestlemania sign. Orton readies for the RKO but Cody grabs Orton’s legs. Orton kicks him off but the distraction costs him as DiBiase nails Dream Street for the win. 7/10 not a bad match for what it was. I expect either a three way match or Orton finds a tag partner for Wrestlemania. After the match they pull up Randy and Rhodes hits Cross Rhodes on Orton. They both mock Orton by doing his vintage Orton pose.

6. Triple H comes to the ring for his interview time now, as we see the attack from last week from Sheamus. Triple H says he respects what Sheamus did last week and he would’ve done the same thing himself. This brings out Sheamus, well at least that shut up HHH quickly, as he comes to the ring. The pasty white former champion enters the ring, can he get any whiter, and they should’ve just called him Casper. Sheamus grabs the mic and says all he makes is statements and he’ll make one off Triple H at Wrestlemania if he has the guts. Triple H says Sheamus has had a great first year, probably the greatest in the business; no that would be Angle or Lesnar! Triple H says Sheamus has never been to Wrestlemania and thus his accomplishments mean nothing. HHH says he came in WWE and was undefeated and went after the biggest dog at Wrestlemania and he got crushed and went down into a pit of obscurity. Yeah, but then he boned Stephanie and became a main eventer for life. Triple H says some guys beat him at Wrestlemania and became stars, as he mentions Batista and Cena, but the guys that lost became a footnote. HHH says it’s a big gamble and asks Sheamus if he has the guts, and it’s all or nothing. HHH tells him before he takes the gamble he had better be sure, and Sheamus steps back, but then goes after HHH. Sheamus misses a punch and gets clotheslined out of the ring, and pulls HHH out with him. Sheamus rams HHH into the barricade but misses the pump kick and HHH clotheslines them both over the barricade. Sheamus tries to escape but Triple H dives on him and Sheamus gets a shot in and rams HHH into the table then throws him in the ring. Sheamus misses the clothesline and HHH nails a spinebuster on Sheamus who quickly rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp. We go back to Criss Angel with Santino, who says he’s a big fan and comes from a long line of magical people as makes a few bad jokes. Santino does a bad magic trick of his own and asks if Criss has something better, to which he does another one of his tricks.

7. William Regal v Evan Bourne. This is the final qualifier match for the MITB match, as Christian is on commentary. I assume Evan is going to win this match, as we need another spot monkey for the match. I wonder where this leaves Kingston for Wrestlemania, I do have my own idea, have him be the tag partner of Orton against Legacy. They lock up and Regal over powers Bourne and then hammers Evan. Regal gets a knee in and Bourne is down, but not out as he comes back with a series of quick kicks, but Regal gets a clothesline in. Regal hits a running back elbow followed by the butterfly Suplex for a near fall. Regal hits a T-Bone Suplex as his rookie cheers him on. Regal goes for the Knee Trembler but instead Bourne gets a knee in and hits the Air Bourne for the win. 4/10 way too short a match, could’ve been a great match if they gave more time. So for the MITB match we have Christian, Benjamin, Swagger, Kane, Bourne, Hardy, Ziggler & MVP, of those eight I hope either Swagger or Ziggler win. Next week the contract signing of Bret and Vince with Stone Cold as guest host.

8. Criss Angel introduced to the crowd, as we get another guest host who basically did nothing. Did he even make a match or announcement or anything other than his magic tricks? Criss welcomes the Portland crowd and says he’s honored to be on RAW. Criss asks the crowd if they are ready, as he’s there to present the main event. Criss asks if the crowd wants to see the main event, I say not really.

9. John Cena v Mr. McMahon. Vince does the vintage pickle in the ass walk, as only Vince can do. Vince taunts Cena; I can’t believe he’s an eight time champ, which just shows how much the title change hands. Seriously, Cena in six years has held the title eight times, while Savage was there for a decade and only won twice. Vince has the mic and tells Bret he knows he’s watching and tells him to enjoy the match but no disrespect to Angel this match won’t be an illusion. Vince says Cena will be defeated and this is not an ordinary match, it’s a handicap gauntlet match. Well, there’s the bait and switch for tonight. I expected this from TNA as I figured they’d pull Flair and Hogan out and put in Angle and Anderson or Pope and Wolfe, but at least we got the main event advertised. Here come the vintage McMahon shenanigans. The first opponent is Vladimir Kozlov, great let’s bury the big man right out of the gate, idiots. Kozlov slides in and Cena hammers him, but gets shot in and Kozlov powerslams Cena. Kozlov hits the trapping headbutts and Vince looks elated as Kozlov follows with the spinebuster and Vince wants the tag. Vince tagged in and struts around Cena and covers him for a near fall, Vince quickly calls out the next man, Drew McIntyre. So what the Hell happened to Vladimir? This match makes no sense, seriously. I’m getting the visual of the end of the Simpson’s episode “Trilogy of Error” where at the end Mr. Teeny points out this made no sense. Drew slides in and hammers Cena then stomps him in the face. Drew hits what looked like Edge’s old finisher the Downward Spiral and Vince tagged in and gets two. Vince calls out his next person, Jack Swagger as this has jumped the shark as we go to commercial. We come back as Cena is getting ready to drop a fist on Swagger and then goes for the FU, but Swagger counters out and hits the Oklahoma Stampede. Vince wants the tag, and Swagger first hits the Vader Bomb but then says one more before tagging in Vince. Swagger hits the second Bomb and tags in Vince, who covers Cena and Superman kicks out again. Vince calls out his next charge, Mark Henry. Wait, so is Mark Henry a face or heel, this makes no freaking sense at all. It’s just a way for Cena to beat the roster. Henry comes in the ring and looks at Vince, then pulls Cena up and hits the World’s Strongest Slam and tags Vince in. Vince covers Cena who kicks out again and Vince slides out of the ring and grabs the bell and mic. Vince says this is now a no dq match, and comes in with the ring bell. Henry tries to stop Vince and Vince shoves Mark away. Mark gets between them again and Vince hands the bell to Mark and tells him to hit Cena. Henry throws the ring bell away and says no, and suddenly turns into a spear from Batista. Batista kicks Henry in the head sending him out of the ring, out of the blue comes Kofi Kingston who hammers Batista. Kingston dropkicks Batista in the corner, but gets powerbombed by Batista. Vince comes back in with the bell as Batista lefts up Cena. Cena fights back and clotheslines Batista and goes after Vince. Vince throws the bell away and Cena lifts Vince up and turns into a spear. Batista nails Cena with a Batistabomb and Vince then covers Cena for the win. DUD what a stupid main event, a complete waste of air time. So Vince McMahon beat the number one contender for the World title, that’s just great. Batista stands over Cena and has the spotlight put on him as the show ends.

Match Recap:

1. Gail Kim, Eve & Kelly beat Alicia Fox, Katie Lea & Maryse 6.25/10

2. Miz & Big Show went to a no contest with John Morrison & R-Truth DUD

3. Legacy beat Randy Orton 7/10

4. Evan Bourne beat William Regal 4/10

5. Vince McMahon pinned John Cena DUD

Well, that was a colossal bore of a show, as only one match was really worth watching. If TNA had pulled the same shit on Impact with the main event people would be furious, but WWE does it and no one will probably complain. This was another really bad episode of RAW, much last week which had but one good match. This is their idea of building to Wrestlemania? So far the only matches I care about are Edge/Jericho and ShowMiz/Truth & Wisdom. The rest looks like crap to me. Cena and Batista will probably be horrible as will Bret and Vince. Undertaker and Shawn can never recapture their good matches from 97. Their best match was the first Hell in the Cell match, and nothing will ever touch that. What a lackluster episode of RAW, and I expect the same next week actually. Other than seeing Stone Cold next week, I don’t expect much in the way of actual good matches. These guest hosts offer nothing to the show and almost feel like more of a detriment to the program. I hope TNA next week can hit a homerun and deliver a good main event again. For week one of the war, I give it to TNA.


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