Chris' Blog


Monday Night RAW – March 1, 2010

 

 

Last week the WWE released four Superstars, Paul Burchill, Hurricane, Charlie Haas, and Maria. Three names were no surprise, but Maria’s came as a big shock. She’s been prominently featured on TV teaming with Matt Hardy & Great Khali & next week the Apprentice premiers. Seemed odd to let her go at the same time she’s is going to be on a major TV show, but they did. I doubt these will be the final four releases, as more will probably come. Getting to tonight’s show, the guest hosts are none other than Cheech & Chong, as Vince shows what decade he thinks it is. Seriously, they haven’t been relevant in about thirty years, but to Vince they’re hip and cool. Also last week three matches for Wrestlemania were announced, Edge v. Jericho, Undertaker v. Shawn & Batista v. Cena. I still say HHH gets in the middle of Cena/Batista; after all it’s not Wrestlemania without a Triple H title match. So let’s get to tonight as we continue on the road to Wrestlemania.

1. We open the show tonight with Shawn Michaels; guess the guest hosts need time to finish their preshow joints? Shawn starts out saying there is a buzz around the locker room as everyone thinks he is crazy to put his career on the line at Wrestlemania. Shawn says he looks his peers in the eyes, and they look away and he sees them in corners whispering. Shawn continues that no one believes he can beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania and he recognizes the undefeated streak but no one has given Undertaker a run for the money like he did. Shawn says he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that every man, woman and child knows he is Mr. Wrestlemania and he believes he can end Undertaker’s undefeated streaks. Shawn says for all his peers who don’t believe in him, he’ll give them an opportunity to come out to the ring, look him in the eyes and tell him he can’t win. Here comes the Game I bet, and I’m right as Triple H comes down to the ring. Triple H gets in the ring, and Shawn says you of all people don’t believe in me, and Hunter responds no he doesn’t think Shawn can beat Undertaker at Wrestlemania, he knows he can. Triple H says he knows that because it’s not about the people, the cameras, but between the two of them and he’s wrestled everyone, and buried them all, and says Shawn is the best he’s even been in the ring with. Of course the clique sticks together, in the process burying everyone else. HHH continues by saying Shawn has no peers, as he’s above everyone else. Wow, way to bury the entire locker room in one sentence! Triple H says D-X will never die, not as long as there is money to be made from it, but it will be a long time till people see them in the ring together. Hunter says he invoked the rematch clause tonight, as he doesn’t want the last image of D-X being a loss to Miz & Big Show. Shawn says he appreciates it, but they’re going down separate paths, and HHH interrupts him and says Shawn doesn’t have to defend the title for 30 days, in 28 days is the night after Wrestlemania. HHH says on that night they come out and throw a celebration like only D-X can throw as now Shawn will be known as the man who ended Undertaker’s streak. HHH says it has nothing to do with being tag champs, but is does have to do with belief and HHH believes Shawn will still be there after Wrestlemania. HHH says that’s what he believes and asks Shawn what he believes. Shawn says he believes they have some tag titles to win tonight. The D-X music begins, as they pose in the ring, I bet they win the damn things too. We go backstage to Cheech & Chong, as the Bella twins come in and rub themselves all over Cheech and Chong. Way to keep your jobs girls. Cheech leaves with the Bellas as Chong sits back, and in comes Hornswoggle. Damn bastard, can’t he just disappear. He hands Chong his Lucky Charms and now we get a spinning camera to make it look like he’s stoned. Lame.

2. Randy Orton v Ted DiBiase. DiBiase with a quick kick and hammers Orton in the corner, Orton reverses and they slug it out. DiBiase shot in and nails a knee lift but Orton catches him with a big clothesline, sending Ted to the corner. They circle each other, and lock up, as Ted gets Randy in the corner and nails a knee then the shoulders. Ted pummels Randy in the corner as the ref tries to pull him back. Ted goes for the superplex but Randy pushes him off, Ted comes back with a dropkick and tosses Randy out. Ted follows and tries to slam Orton in the post, but countered and then Orton nails the big uppercut. Orton rolls Ted back in, and Ted rolls out the other side as we go to commercial. We come back as DiBiase is stomping Orton, then rams his head in the corner and follows with a choke in the corner. Orton with a snapmare, then a boot to the head and gets a near fall. DiBiase with a rear chinlock but the Viper fights off and comes off the ropes, but Ted uses his speed to clothesline Orton down for another near fall. We now get a big slugfest, which DiBiase gets the better of, and shoots Orton in, but countered and Orton nails a big powerslam. Orton follows with the Garvin Stomp, lamest move in history, and then drops the knee to the head. Orton primes for the RKO, as we see Cody come running to the ring and he jumps on the apron. Orton goes after him, but Ted rolls him up and Orton counters. Cody dives in the ring and Orton tackles him, and we have a two on one on Orton now. 6.75/10 not a bad match, but too short and no ending. Expected no clean finish as they’re building to the big match at Wrestlemania. After the match Legacy continues to pound on Orton, but Orton makes the comeback and dropkicks Ted out. Orton hits the backbreaker on Rhodes who then goes for the DDT, but DiBiase pulls Rhodes out. After the commercial we see a limo pulling up, and out come Bret Hart with his foot in a cast and on a crutch. We go backstage to Chong and Eve, as Chong says he has a match idea, a pillow fight. Cheech says Chong is diabetic and having a sugar trip and the screen clears and Chong has been molesting William Regal. Chong asks if he can hang with Kelly, and we see Masters’ standing there as he talks with Kelly’s voice. Hornswoggle hands Chong the Lucky Charms, and back to being stoned. This is so stupid, but I expected that with Cheech and Chong being on the show. I’m waiting for them to start singing Basketball Jones next.

3. Jack Swagger v Santino. I hope Swagger wins, but won’t surprise me to see Santino win the match. This is another MITB qualifier to join Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Dolph Ziggler, and Kane. A quick lockup and Swagger sent to the buckle and then Santino unloads on him. Swagger counters the armdrag and nails the gutwrench powerbomb for the win. DUD basically a squash match.

4. John Cena comes out for his interview time now. Glad we’re not wasting time with those pesky matches this week. It’s starting to look like TNA Impact now; come next week won’t be able to differentiate between the shows. Cena has the mic and says there are a few people who say Batista stole the World Title from him but that’s not the way it happened. Cena says it was business and Batista was smart enough to align with Vince, never thought I’d hear anyone call Big Dave smart. Cena says the next night on RAW it got personal as Batista attacked him and he doesn’t know why. Cena says he’s never had a problem with Dave and considered him a friend, but now he has a problem with him. Cena says he sees the silver lining because he’s going to Wrestlemania and will face Batista in four week and after last week he needs to pay Batista back right now. This brings out Batista with a crowd of police officers to protect him. Cena in the ring laughs at Batista and asks if he is seeing things as Batista is now with security. Batista says there not here to protect him, but to protect Cena. Batista says he has no problem going down there and hurting him, but the cops will stop him. Cena tells Batista to come to the ring, or hide behind the security like a pansy. Batista tells Cena he’s a funny guy and amuses him, and says he did what he did last week because he wants to face him at Wrestlemania so he lost the match and everyone got what they want. Batista says they came in at the same time and they’re rise to the top was identical, but they are different and they are the two biggest stars. Batista continues they both won titles at Wrestlemania 21 and never looked back, but for some reason the WWE has labeled Cena as the man. Batista says the torch was passed from Austin to Cena when it should’ve been him and he’s the biggest star in the company. Batista continues that he did what he did last week for two reasons, one to beat the hell out of Cena at Wrestlemania and two because he can’t stand Cena. Make that two of us Dave! Cena says that’s all this about, a fictional torch, he tells Dave he wants the title and will take it at Wrestlemania. Cena says things went different because he works harder and Batista doesn’t want to show up on time. Cena calls Batista selfish, and Batista responds that he agrees, he doesn’t care about the fans, he’s there to make money. So now he’s doing the same shtick that Kevin Nash was doing about six month ago, way to be creative WWE writers. Batista says he will beat the hell out of Cena at Wrestlemania, and it’s a fact that every time they are in the ring together bad things happen to Cena. Batista continues that Cena knows firsthand what Batista is capable of and tells Cena to say one of his catchphrases. Batista tells Cena he can’t beat him and that Cena knows it and then he drops the mic. Back to Cheech and Chong in the back eating Lucky Charms and we see Chavo wearing a big mustache and a sombrero. Chavo complains and we see Primo and Carlito wearing the mustaches as well, and Carlito says this isn’t cool. Then we see Katie Lea with the mustache, is this supposed to be funny? Now its Yoshi wearing a mustache, ok they are beating a dumb joke into the ground.

5. Zack Ryder v MVP. Zack doesn’t even get a real intro, as we go to the ring and he’s standing there. Where’s my Rosa damn it? C’mon Ryder, rather see him in the MITB then MVP this year. Oh, there’s Rosa she’s already standing outside the ring. Zack quickly opens up on MVP and hammers him then shoots him in the corner. MVP jumps over and tosses Zack then nails a face breaker. MVP goes for the balling elbow and nails Zack, and then hits the playmaker for the easy win. DUD another squash match, wasn’t even a minute long. I bet the only match that gets any air time is D-X of course. So far this has been a boring episode. Wow Gail look hot in her Hello Kitty pajamas. Eve wearing Sponge Bob while Kelly looks good as a sundae, nice double scoop of vanilla!

6. Cheech & Chong are introduced to the crowd, as they come out to George Lopez’s TV show theme song, Low Rider. Chong can barely get in the ring, which looked bad. Chong welcomes the crowd to Monday Night Raw, and Cheech says the show’s been on for an hour and half already. They introduce the divas for the pillow fight.

7. Gail Kim, Kelly & Eve Torres v Jillian Hall, Maryse & Alicia Fox. Gail looks the best of the three faces, while Jillian looks best for her team. Jillian looking hot in pink, while Eve has a red t shirt and black shorts and Maryse in a white shirt and white boxer shorts with hearts on them. All six girls have pillows, as the match starts. All the girls start to hammer Maryse with the pillows, and then Jillian clotheslines everyone down. She then attacks with the pillow as the crowd turns on the match, she screams. Kelly covers her face with the pillow and drops the leg for a near fall. Maryse hits the DDT on Kelly and Gail makes the save as this is falling apart. Gail hits a neck breaker, and then Alicia takes down Gail and Eve. Alicia shoots Gail in reversed into the Eat Defeat. Eve dropkicks Gail out, and she lands hard. Eve hits a somersault senton on Alicia for the pin. DUD what a stupid waste of time, complete embarrassment of the divas. A stupid match and Gail getting injured. Now we have Hornswoggle come out and hand cereal to Cheech and Chong. Watching Wrestlelicious next and I bet that will be more entertaining than this has been. We now get the announcement of the next inductee of the Hall of Fame; it’s Maurice Mad Dog Vachon. That’s cool; maybe we’ll see Luna at the HOF! He’s being inducted by Pat Patterson, since both are French Canadians that make sense.

8. Justin Roberts introduces Bret Hart but instead Vince McMahon makes his way down the ring. Vince grabs the mic and says he wants the honor, and introduces Bret Hart. Bret comes down and Vince asks to have his name cleared in the accident two weeks ago. Bret says he doesn’t know if that’s true but ever since he came back to the WWE he’s been treated as a piece of garbage and tells Vince to get the Hell out of the ring. Vince starts to leave and says at one time Bret called him a world champion liar he says if you’re going to be a liar might as well be a world champion. Vince says he lied he didn’t invite Bret to say farewell and Bret asks why he was invited. Vince asks Bret about the challenge for Wrestlemania and gets in Bret’s face; Bret says he’s currently incapacitated. Vince pretends to be shocked and says even a fossil like him can heal in six week and says Bret didn’t come back to make things right but to get revenge on Vince. Bret says he’s wanted to fight Vince for thirteen years, and Vince says why not fight him. Vince getting all cocky in the ring asks Bret if he wants to make his dreams come true, as he says he sent Bret packing to WCW and spit in his face. Vince taunts Bret and says if he won’t do it for himself then do it for his fans who want to see him in the ring one more time. Vince calls Bret a Canadian Hero and asks the crowd if they want to see the match. Bret asks Vince if he thinks he’s stupid and reminds Vince he has a broken leg. Vince says he hates to hear those words, and his last name used to stand for something but now he has no heart. Vince tells Bret he let him down, the fans down and calls Bret a coward. Vince kicks the crutch out from under Bret and Bret crumples to the mat, but still able to fix his hat. Bret tosses the crutch at Vince as he leaves the ring and Vince calls him a coward. Bret pulls himself up and grabs the mic and says the match is on at Wrestlemania. Vince heads up the ramp and says Vince will show his physical conditioning as he will have a match next week. Vince says he will take on John Cena one on one and wants Bret to watch the match closely. Next week Criss Angel is the guest host, well that might be better than this week’s.

9. D-X v. ShowMiz. Shawn and Show start, and Shawn quickly chops Show, who sends him to the corner. Shawn uses his speed to avoid the attack, but gets shot in the corner and Show follows with a big clothesline then tags in Miz. Miz stomps HBK and nails a running kick for a two then tags Show back in. Show with a big right on Shawn and then taunts HBK before locking in the bearhug. Shawn hammers his way out and chops Big Show, but runs right into Show. Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music, countered to the chokeslam, but Shawn leaps out and tags in the Game. HHH hits the knee to the jaw followed by a spinebuster. HHH goes for the Pedigree and Miz charges in to a spinebuster. HHH turns around into the chokeslam, but Shawn nails Sweet Chin Music behind the back of the ref. Both men are down and out as the ref starts the count at nine Show makes the tag, but so does HHH. Shawn hits the flying forearm followed by the inverted atomic drop then climbs the ropes. Shawn nails the flying elbow drop and the crowd erupts as he signals for Sweet Chin Music. Abruptly we see Undertaker on the big screen and Shawn stops dead. Shawn turns around and Miz rolls him up for the pin. 3/10 way to short a match. It had brief moments of good, but was way too short for a title match or a main event. After the match HHH stands over Shawn, who looks like he’s about to erupt, and Triple H goes to help him up and he pushes Hunter off and leaves. Unexpectedly Sheamus appears and attacks the Game and clotheslining him to the floor. Sheamus hits the kick on Triple H with his head against the table and then does it again sending the Game over the table. Sheamus climbs on the table and stands over the fallen Triple H as we fade to black.

Match Recap:

1. Randy Orton over Ted DiBiase 6.75/10

2. Jack Swagger squashed Santino DUD

3. MVP crushed Zack Ryder DUD

4. Gail Kim, Eve & Kelly beat Alicia Fox, Maryse & Jillian DUD

5. ShowMiz beat D-X 3/10

This was a horrible episode this week, as the matches were brutally short. I complained about TNA last week not having any long matches, and WWE followed their pattern. Five matches this week, and only one was better than a C, as three were duds and one was just barely better. I know we need to build to Wrestlemania, but do we have to sacrifice good matches to do it? This was worse than an episode of Superstars from the 80s. The backstage crap with Cheech and Chong was horrible as well; I hope Austin in two week is the last of the guest hosts as this has been a failure of an idea. Well, at I have Wrestlicious to watch and NXT tomorrow to enjoy. Something to wash out the awfulness of this episode, all we were missing was a Mae Young appearance.

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