Chris' Blog


Monday Night RAW: Don’t blink or you’ll miss the divas!

Monday Night RAW – February 8, 2010

Last week on RAW, guest host William Shatner announced this week’s main event. D-X will defend their tag team titles against the Straight Edge Society & the Miz & Big Show in a three way match. This would seem to be a great way for D-X to lose the titles and not have to get pinned, a Shawn Michaels classic. We were supposed to have the finals of the Diva tournament but that got bumped for the classic Kofi Kingston v. Big Show match last week, maybe this week they can actually finish the tournament. Also last week Bret Hart finally got his hands on Vince McMahon, only to be attacked by Batista. John Cena made the save, but got Batista Bombed on the stairs, which should lead to the match between Cena and Batista. That’s going to suck, but at least it keeps them out of the title picture for Wrestlemania. Let’s see what happens tonight with some NASCAR person guest hosting.

So the main event is now an elimination match, great so that means Triple H & Shawn Michaels get to beat two teams in one night, lovely. Now we see some dork spinning around outside the ring, why do promoters think all wrestling fans like NASCAR? Seriously, it stands for Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks. The car pulls in and it’s Hornswoggle who comes out of the car, ugh, just disappear you little piece of garbage. Kelly introduces the NASCAR guy, who comes out with the Bella Twins.

1. Carl Edwards has the microphone and says welcome to Monday Night RAW, as we get a cheap pop for the Super Bowl. Edwards then plugs his racing show, as he drives in a circle for four hours or so, boring. Edwards says he has a friend in the WWE, and mentions John Cena and the place explodes, suddenly out comes the Champion, Sheamus. Sheamus gets in the face of the host, and says his Super Bowl is in seven week, Wrestlemania, and he plans to win the Elimination Chamber. Sheamus demands to be made the last participant in the Chamber match and says Carl is a guest on his show and if he doesn’t do as he’s told, he won’t make it to Sunday. Suddenly we’re joined by the ECW Champion, Christian, as Lawler says it’s been a long time since Christian’s been on RAW. I sense Christian v. Sheamus, maybe unite the two titles to finish the ECW brand. Sheamus tells Christian how he dare interrupt him, as Christian says Edge mentioned facing either Sheamus or Undertaker at Wrestlemania but never mentioned him. Christian says he was upset, till the announcement of the death of ECW, to which Sheamus calls him a lame duck champ. Christian calls Sheamus lame and makes fun of his hair and beard and asks if he runs out of money by the time he gets to tanning. Sheamus says Christian will be unemployed in two weeks, Christian says no in two weeks all ECW stars will become free agents. Well, that’s news to me, what are they planning this on the fly or what? Christian challenges Sheamus for a match tonight, as says both were born without last names. Carl says let’s start the match now.

2. Christian v. Sheamus. They lock up, and Sheamus overpowers Christian with a headlock takedown. Sheamus with a knee and whips Christian in, Christian catches him with a back elbow and climbs the ropes. Sheamus catches him and nails a fall away slam followed by a clothesline over the top as we go to commercial. We come back and Sheamus has a chinlock on Christian, who fights out and ducks a clothesline, then they both collide. Christian took the worst of that one, as Sheamus chokes him on the ropes, but then misses a charge as Christian pulls the rope and Sheamus to the floor. Christian with a nice dive to the floor, and both men are down. Christian gets pulled into the ringpost shoulder first then drives him into the barricade now. Sheamus tosses Christian in the ring and begins to stomp him, as Sheamus with a hammerlock now on the ECW Champion. Sheamus continues to work over the arm and shoulder of Christian, but Christian fights back and nails a nice missile dropkick. Christian hammers Sheamus, and then slides under him and slaps him. Sheamus backdrops Christian, but he land on the apron and slingshots him and follow with the top rope forearm. Christian springs off the top, but gets caught, however he fights out and avoids the pumpkick, but eats a clothesline. Sheamus misses a blind charge in the corner and gets nailed with the bouncy kick then a tornado DDT for a near fall. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Christian win, as he goes for the Killswitch, countered as Sheamus tosses Christian over the top but Christian holds on and springs to the top rope. Sheamus catches him and tosses him into the ringpost and hits the pump kick on Christian. Sheamus nails the Celtic Cross on Christian and scores the win. 3.75/5 a pretty good match actually, really impressed. Expected Christian to win, as Sheamus has been such a poorly booked champion. We now go backstage to D-X, as Shawn says he’s been distracted with the whole Undertaker thing as he apologizes to Triple H and says D-X has never been to Wrestlemania. Triple H cuts him off and says he qualified for the Chamber and says D-X at Wrestlemania would be good, but he’s going to win the title and defend at Wrestlemania. Shawn says it’s all about Triple H now, and walks off. It’s always about HHH, pay attention Shawn. We get footage from last week of Cena being destroyed by Batista, then over to Legacy. Rhodes says he had to face Cena, while DiBiase had to face Henry and says he could beat Henry. DiBiase says people say how alike they are, and DiBiase says he’s better then Rhodes as Orton walks in. Orton asks DiBiase if he thinks he’s better than him and Ted says we’ll find out. Orton says tonight DiBiase will face Cena tonight, and then gets in Rhodes face for getting him disqualified. Orton says he knows Cody’s heart was in the right place and he appreciates the effort, and by the way Cody will face Orton tonight.

3. D-X v. Miz & Big Show v. Straight Edge Society. Well, up until they said elimination I expected SES to win this match, but now I doubt it. Unless D-X breaks up tonight, I can’t see them losing. We see Teddy Long sitting at ringside for this match, as SES represents Smackdown and Punk has the mic. Punk says it’s no secret that this region of the country when falling on hard times turns to drugs and alcohol which makes it sad when they have a celebration. He makes fun of the Super Bowl, which amuses me. Punk says they don’t know any other way, and while the rest of the country deems this area unsaveable, they will win the titles. Punk says normally they would save a lost soul tonight, and tonight they have a celebrity, Jared from Subway. That’s a celebrity, seriously? He’s right up there with Herb or Clara Peller. Just saying is all. CM Punk wants him to be the spokesperson for the Straight Edge Society, and Jared says no. Punk says he had a feeling he would say no, and will make an example of him, as he sends Luke and Serena to go get him. The advance on Jared, and suddenly D-X’s music hits and out comes the old man brigade. Miz and Show get introduced and we’re ready for the match. Miz gets in the face of Gallows, and he punches him and D-X clears the ring. Nice way to destroy everyone in the match before the bell as we go to commercial. We come back and Shawn is chopping Punk in the corner. Punk tosses Shawn in the corner and hits the high knee/bulldog combo, as Show tagged in. Show hammers Shawn and CM Punk now, then tosses Punk into Shawn, as they stack up in the corner and Show charges but they move, and Luke & HHH tagged. Luke & HHH go after Show, who fights them both off as Show hammers Luke, while HHH takes a nap in the corner. Show chops Luke and then one for HHH, then hits the short arm clothesline on Luke, as HHH fights back and hits the knee to the face. HHH goes for the pedigree, but Show backdrops him to the floor as we go to commercial. We come back and Punk is hammering Miz & HHH as he covers both but gets nothing. Punk works over the HHH of the Game, as Miz pulls himself up on the ropes. Miz hammers the back on HHH, and then nails Punk, Miz whips Punk into HHH who gets the foot up and then clotheslines Miz. Punk hits a nice kick on HHH, sending him to the floor and now works over Miz, but Miz comes back with a jawbreaker. Miz whips Punk in the corner, and hits the corner clothesline, but Serena pulls Miz out of the ring, and as he chases her HHH hits a spinebuster on the floor on Miz. Show goes to check on his partner, as HHH tries to make the tag, Punk holds the ankle, but HHH makes the tag. HBK with the flying forearm followed by a big slam, as he climbs the ropes. Shawn hits the elbow drop on CM Punk, and readies for Sweet Chin Music, but Gallows nails Shawn, and HHH nails Gallows. As the ref is busy with HHH, Punk goes for GTS, but Shawn counters to Sweet Chin Music and eliminates the Straight Edge Society, and I just lost all interest in this match. So the most over stable in the company is the first eliminated by the king of egos, nice to see D-X run the company and can destroy whoever’s push they feel like. Any wonder I hate these two pieces of shit, seriously, would it kill them to get pinned clean by Punk? Triple H helps Shawn up, and Show with a double clothesline, sending HHH to the floor as Show stands over Shawn. Show taunts Shawn, as he slowly gets up and Show hits the big headbutt on HBK. Shawn pulls himself up on the ropes, and Miz gets a cheapshot in, then Show just walks over Shawn. The match has slowed down to a crawl now; this is like watching Bubba v. Tenta from WCW now. Shawn gets tossed in the corner, but gets a knee up catching Show twice. Show catches Shawn with a sloppy looking side slam for a near fall. Even Lawler wasn’t sure what it was, as Show tags in Miz. Miz continues to hammer Shawn, as I had to check my copy, thought maybe it was playing in slow motion. Shawn fights back, and Miz takes him down by the hair, hits the knee/neckbreaker combo. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Shawn fights out, and Show tagged in. Show just tosses Shawn aside, but Shawn back with Sweet Chin Music. Both men make the tag, Miz is doomed now, as Triple H hits the knee to the face, then a face breaker. Triple H hits the spinebuster, and Shawn tags himself in. Miz knocks them together and rolls up Shawn for the upset win. 3/5 the first half was great, but once Punk was eliminated it sucked the wind out of the match. That last half was brutal to sit through. So we have new tag champions, a makeshift team formed about two weeks ago. So I assume Shawn raised hell about losing to Punk, since he doesn’t like the messiah character. That sucked, the wrong team won that and these titles are such a joke now. We see D-X in the ring, as HHH is staring a hole through Shawn. Shawn leaves, as Triple H is yelling at him. We go backstage to Miz and Show celebrating with the tag titles, as Show says Miz treats him like an equal and they did what he and Jericho could not do. So now Miz gets to carry three titles, as they decide on a name for the team, ShowMiz. We now see Shawn stalking the halls backstage, and he runs into Carlito and Alicia, as he’s looking for Teddy Long. Shawn finds Long, and says he needs to be traded to Smackdown, and needs to be done now. Shawn says he doesn’t care about D-X, he wants to go to Smackdown, be put in the chamber, win title, give Undertaker a rematch and then break the streak at Wrestlemania. Shawn demands Teddy do it now, but Teddy says the chamber match is set and they earned their spot. Shawn grabs Teddy and says you can do it and will do it, as Triple H pulls Shawn off of Long. HHH asks if he wants to throw his career away, he says his career is over and he nails Teddy with Sweet Chin Music. Shawn storms away as Triple H checks on teddy Long.

4. Gail Kim v. Jillian Hall. The women get no damn respect around here, seriously, no intro no nothing just right to the match as Cole and Lawler continue to talk about Shawn. This pisses me off, like why even have the women if you don’t want to use them. Pure WWE bullshit, as they mention the finals of the tournament will finally take place at the PPV. Well, they won’t focus on the match, so I will. The women lock up, and Jillian overpowers Gail sending her to the floor hard. Jillian follows and tosses her back in, then rams her head into the mat. Jillian tosses her in the corner, but gets an elbow, as Gail springs up to the middle rope, and Jillian sweeps the feet out for a near fall. Jillian pummels Gail, as Maryse calls Michelle McCool embarrassing, as Gail slides out of a slam and hits her finisher for the win. DUD was that even a minute long, what a waste of Jillian and Gail. Why not skip the Cena crap and give the girls ten to fifteen minutes for the match. Maryse gets in the ring, she was doing commentary, and says she is a big fan and looks forward to their match in two week. Maryse says some things in French, as Gail looks confused again, and then extends her hand. Gail shakes her hand and says may the best diva win. We now find out the first inductee to the Hall of Fame, class of 2010, TED DIBIASE! Finally, what the hell took them so long to induct Ted? One of my favorites as a kid, he played his character to a T. Wow; we even got to see Outback Jack in the promo! We now go backstage to guest host, Jared and Santino, here’s the comedy portion of the show. Santino sings the Subway commercial; hey Santino has a new shirt! I got to get me one of them. Jared gives Santino a Subway Card, Santino says Swagger must pay. Guest host makes the match for Superstars, Swagger v. Santino, as Kofi comes in. Kofi says he will be in the Chamber in two weeks, and is glad to have the week off, but has a proposition for next week. All six men in the chamber in three random matches, he says sounds good but should he make the matches now or let next week’s host do it. Santino says next week’s host has class, civility and human decency, we see next week’s host, Jerry Springer. Well, at least I’ve heard of him, as opposed to all these other losers they’ve had. Napoleon Dynamite, some boxer, NASCAR drivers, etc.

5. Cody Rhodes v. Randy Orton. Nice to see Rhodes already in the ring when we finally go to ringside. Orton shoves Cody, who comes right back into Orton’s face. Orton shoves him again, and puts the finger in Rhodes’ face, which Rhodes pushes away. Orton slaps Cody, who comes back with a big dropkick, as they then locks up, and wind up in the corner. Orton nails a cheapshot or Rhodes, but Rhodes back with a side Russian leg sweep. Cody goes for DDT, but Orton reverses into a hotshot. Randy continues to hammer Cody in the corner now, then sets him on the top rope. Randy climbs up after him, but Cody fights back and knocks Orton down. Cody goes for a crossbody, but Orton moves and Cody crashes and burns. Orton readies for the RKO, but Sheamus slides in and back out, distracted Orton. Rhodes nails Cross Rhodes and pins Orton for the win. 2.5/5 not a bad match, but way too short. Sheamus slides in after the match, and nails Orton with the pumpkick. Sheamus readies for the Celtic Cross, but Rhodes comes in with a chair to save Orton, and Sheamus bails out. We go back to the guest host, who announces next week’s matches, so what’s that leave for Springer to do? Next week we have Sheamus v. Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase v. Kofi Kingston & Triple H v. John Cena. Well, Kofi/DiBiase might be good, but the rest doesn’t impress me much.

6. Ted DiBiase v. John Cena. I expect Batista to get involved in this one. Cena attacks Ted before the bell and hammers Ted in the corner, and tosses him over the top. Cena follows and whips Ted into the barricade hard. John follows up with the STF on the floor, as Ted is tapping out. So, prediction time, DiBiase is injured and pulled from the Chamber, putting Batista in, maybe? The refs finally get Cena off Ted, as he stands over DiBiase; Cena grabs the mic and gets in the ring. So instead of a match, we get Cena yapping, yippee. Cena says he didn’t come for a match, he’s not wasting time. He calls out Batista and says he wants a fight, as Batista was sent down last week to take him out but it didn’t work, he’s still there. Cena calls Batista out, and says to finish the job. Cena says he’s not going anywhere till Batista comes out. We come back from commercial, as Cena’s still flapping his gums, as he calls Batista scared. I’m scared of the black hole of suck when these two face off again. Question is which one gets injured in the match this time, since both are more accident prone then Ashley. Cena says maybe the attack was a business proposition, as he mentions insulting Vince two weeks ago and thinks Vince is behind all this. Cena says he wants to talk to Vince McMahon, and he calls Vince to the ring, and Vince obliges. Vince comes out laughing, and brings out his security forces with him, as he does the vintage pickle walk to the ring. Vince asks Cena what he has to say, Cena says Vince comes out with ten security guards and thinks that’s enough to stop him. Cena tells Vince next time come out with a tank, either come in and talk like men, or send them in and he’ll mow them all down and be angrier. Vince decides to step into the ring, and calls John the almighty. Vince reminds Cena that he is the supreme alpha male of the WWE, and makes God references. Well, that’s going to piss off Shawn “I lost my smile, but damn, I found religion” Michaels. Vince says he brought out Batista because he screwed Bret again, as he makes fun of spitting in the face of Bret. Vince says it felt good, but he had nothing to do with Batista attacking Cena. Cena says it’s convenient that the man Vince hired attacked him, Vince says maybe he just doesn’t like Cena. Vince says people don’t like him, I’m one of them, as Vince says he doesn’t like Cena, he doesn’t like the people in the crowd, but he likes him businesswise. Cena says it’s always about money isn’t it? Cena says Vince is all about the money, so are you Cena? Cena says Vince paid off Batista a ruined a good guy, when was Batista a good guy? Cena says he does it because he loves it, so does that mean Cena would work for free, I doubt that? Cena gets a cheap pop mentioning the Super Bowl, and calls Vince Daddy Warbucks. Cena says he does it for moments like in two weeks at the Elimination Chamber when he walks out with the title. Cena says at Wrestlemania 26 he will hold the title high, and that’s why people watch, for the moment. Cena mentions the Hall of Fame, and says he talked to Bret last week. Cena says Bret wants another moment, and says Bret said something he never thought he’d hear, that Bret wants one more match. Bret wants a match at Wrestlemania, and wants the opponent to be Vince McMahon. Vince says he doesn’t want that, Cena says yes he does, so here’s Vince’s chance as the spotlight is on him. Cena says Vince has a chance to have a Wrestlemania moment, and leaves the ring. Vince says he’s about the money and the moment, and really doesn’t think Bret wants any of him. Cena asks Vince what it is going to be yes or no; Bret wants a dance at Wrestlemania 26 and makes history. Vince screams at Cena to shut up, and says yes to the match. So we have our main event for Wrestlemania 26, since that’s the match that will end the show probably, and be on the DVD case. Cena thanks Vince for telling him to his face, and says he has one more person to tell, and heads up the aisle. Vince makes fun of Canada, and reminds Bret why he doesn’t want to be embarrassed again like last week, as we see the recap of last week. Vince says Bret doesn’t want any more of this; suddenly Bret comes out of the crowd and takes Vince down. Security runs in and Bret takes out the security as Vince bails out. Vince screams you attacked from behind, as Bret grabs a chair, Vince says the answer is now no for Wrestlemania. Bret chases Vince up the ramp, and starts to destroy the equipment now, and falls in the process. Vince heads back to the ring and tears apart the announce table, just like he did at Survivor Series 1997, or like we saw on TNA Impact a couple weeks ago. Bret stands tall in the ring, as the crowd cheers him on and the show ends.

Match Recap:

1. Sheamus beat Christian 3.75/5
2. Miz & Big Show beat D-X and Straight Edge Society 3/5
3. Gail Kim pinned Jillian Hall DUD
4. Cody Rhodes pinned Randy Orton 2.5/5
5. Ted DiBiase and John Cena went to a no contest no rating

Well, five matches, one that didn’t even start and one under a minute. Not a great showing tonight, and the burials of Christian and Punk just piss me off, so I have nothing else to say about tonight.

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