Chris' Blog

Monday Night RAW: How Many Times Can We Make Jericho Look Like an Idiot?
January 13, 2010, 11:54 am
Filed under: WWE RAW | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday Night RAW – January 11, 2010

Well, after a chaotic day yesterday, finally have a chance to watch RAW for this week. Tonight’s guest host is Iron Mike Tyson, which should be interesting. Mike Tyson has been in WWE before, getting in a shoving match with Steve Austin and knocking out Shawn Michaels. We should have more on the continuing saga between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon, although reports are that Bret is not in the building tonight. Let’s get to RAW!

1. Tonight’s show opens with Justin Roberts introducing the guest host for this week, Iron Mike Tyson, who comes out to what sounds like a remix of Viscera’s old music. Tyson says he’s happy to be back on RAW, and the crowd here in Minneapolis is giving him quite an ovation, as he mentions the last time he was on RAW. Can’t believe that was back in 1998, this is the second week in a row RAW has made me feel old. This was about 8 or so weeks after the Montreal incident they showed last week, this shows how good RAW was back then. Think we’ll be talking about the current RAWs in twelve years? As Tyson starts to talk, out comes the champ, Sheamus, with a microphone in hand. Sheamus asks if they really introduced Tyson as the most iconic sports figure of the 20th century, as he calls Tyson a washed up ex-champion. He gets right in Tyson’s face and says he’s the baddest man on the planet. Tyson pretends to throw a punch and Sheamus flinches. Sheamus says try it again, as Randy Orton’s music plays. Orton has a microphone, and says he doesn’t want to make a Sports Center moment, he wants the WWE title. Orton mentions Sheamus has no challenger for the Rumble and demands Tyson make him the number one contender. This of course brings out the most overrated man in wrestling, John Cena, the human pylon. Sheamus asks Cena what he is doing here, as Cena screws up his cheap pop, nice job dumbass. Cena says he’s here for the WWE title, and Sheamus says he will not give him another shot at the title. Cena reminds Sheamus the last match they had, Sheamus lost, Cena then says he beat Orton as well, and he’s beaten Mike Tyson. Cena mentions one of the best damn games ever, Mike Tyson Punchout on the NES, Ok; I give him props for that, as I love that freaking game. The locker continues to empty as now Kofi Kingston comes to the ring, I smell a three way for the number one contender spot tonight, Orton v. Cena v. Kingston. Orton says Kofi lost last week and has no business out there, Kofi says he lost, but both Orton and Cena have had countless title shots, while Kingston has had none. Kofi says he will not sit back and wait for his opportunity, as the crowd is cheering for Orton, WTF? Kofi says he wants the title shot and won’t take no for an answer, Sheamus says when Tyson was champ he had months between title matches but Sheamus claims to be a better champ and wants the Rumble off. Tyson responds by saying he has never ducked an opponent, unlike Sheamus, and then books a three way, just like I expected. Cena makes another Punchout joke, which was probably the best joke he’s made since he was a heel. I hope Kingston wins, as he’s right Orton and Cena have had enough shots, time for someone new.

2. Kelly Kelly v. Alicia Fox. Kelly looking hot in her zebra prints attire, if only she would improve in the ring as opposed to Alicia who gets better every week. The winner faces Gail Kim next week, so should be Fox then. The girls lock up and get to the ropes, the ref pulls them apart and Fox gets a cheap shot in, then a snap mare into a chinlock/sleeper kind of thing. Kelly fights out, springs to the apron and throws Alicia to the floor then dives from the apron on to her, before rolling her back in. Kelly with a series of clotheslines then whips her in, but Fox goes for a side slam, countered into a spinning head scissor. Kelly goes for the Hurricanrana, but Alicia catches her and powerbombs her down hard for the win. 2/5 was good for what it was, but wasn’t more than four minutes long. Would’ve been good, had it been given some more time. So Alicia Fox faces Gail Kim next week, and Maryse faces the winner of Eve v. A Bella twin. I assume the finals will be at the Rumble and be Kim v. Maryse, which may be a good match.

3. Legacy v. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne. Cody has the mic, and says that Legacy and Orton were three of the final four, and last year was Randy’s turn but this year is something new. Ted says this year is his turn, and Cody has a pissed off look. Ted says Cody may have movie star looks, but Ted is a movie star, to which Cody says his fifth grade video is superior to the Marine. Ted says he’s going to win the Rumble as both men get face to face as their opponents make their way to the ring. Gee, I wonder who’s going to get pinned here, Evan, I’m looking at you! Ted and Evan start out, and Ted powers Bourne down, but Bourne uses his speed to make the comeback. Evan caught in the apron and knocked hard to the floor, as Ted distracts the ref, Cody takes advantage of Bourne. Evan slow to get in the ring and has his head bounced off the turnbuckle, Ted locks in a chinlock on the quicker man. Ted makes the tag and Cody in with a nice dropkick for a near fall. Legacy really working over Bourne, who’s rapidly becoming the Monday Night Jobber. Evan fights off Cody and whips him in, but catches a boot to the face, Evan back up with an enziguri and make the tag. Henry takes both members of Legacy down, and press slams Cody over his head and just drops him. Henry tags in Bourne, who goes for Air Bourne, but Ted moves Cody over, and Henry and Ted fighting distracts Evan who gets caught from behind by Rhodes for the win. 2.25/5 not a bad match, but almost a squash match as Evan was destroyed the whole time and only got a couple of token moves in. We go backstage to D-X as Shawn wants to make peace with Mike Tyson and HHH thinks it’s a bad idea. Back from commercial and Shawn is with Tyson, as Shawn mentions the closure from last week with Bret Hart and wants closure with Tyson now. Shawn says he forgives Tyson for knocking him out at Wrestlemania 14, and Tyson says he enjoyed it and doesn’t regret and would like to do it again. Jericho comes in and tells Shawn to get out, as Shawn mentions Jericho has been kicked off RAW twice. Jericho says he talked to Mike Tyson and struck up a friendship and has an idea, D-X has a match, and if Shawn & HHH lose, Jericho can go where he wants. Tyson says the match is DX v. Jericho & Mike Tyson, Shawn says he still owes Tyson and leaves as Jericho and Tyson are laughing.

4. Jack Swagger has a microphone, and guarantees no one on any show will eliminate Swagger at the Royal Rumble. Swagger then issues a challenge to anyone who thinks they can throw him over the top rope to come out and try, let me guess Big Show? No, instead it’s Santino Marella who takes up the challenge, this may be hilarious. Santino says this is embarrassing as he was going to do the same thing, and asks how to resolve this. Santino has an idea, he’s going to drop Swagger like a bicycle with no kickstand, as tell the ref to ring the bell. Santino starts out quick, but Swagger catches him and drives him into two corners, the whips into a third before hitting Vader Bomb on Marella. Swagger picks up Santino and goes to throw him over the top, but Santino holds on and Swagger goes out over the top and Santino wins the challenge.

5. Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston v. John Cena. Well, only one person in this match I don’t want to see win and that’s Cena. Orton v. Sheamus could be a very interesting match, but I’d much rather see Kingston. Kofi and Cena start out working as a team on Orton, as the crowd chants Cena sucks, both men hit a nice double Suplex on Orton, and Kofi with a Stinger Splash as they stalk Orton. Cena whips Orton in and hit s a poor version of fisherman Suplex, and now it’s Orton and Kingston going at it, as Orton slides out and Cena after him. Cena tosses Orton to Kofi and they continue double teaming the Viper, as Kofi tosses Orton out of the ring, as Cena and Kingston circle each other. Sheamus appears at the top of the ramp distracting both men, and Orton able to nail both men from behind as we go to commercial. We come back and Orton with, what else, the chinlock on Kingston, while Cena is outside the ring. Is it just me or do we always come back to Orton with a chinlock, I should just make a macro for that? As Cena slowly comes in, Orton catches him with DDT, but Kingston off the top rope with a crossbody for a near fall. Orton being worked over now by Kingston, who’s using his speed to dazzle Orton, but Orton with the backbreaker. Cena catches Orton with the bulldog, but misses the charge and hits the steel post. Kofi connects with the SOS for a near fall, which he follows up with the Boom Drop, but caught in the STF by Cena. Kofi fighting his way to the ropes, but Orton able to break the hold and misses a clothesline on Cena, who hits the shoulderblock. Cena gives the sign for the fist drop, and connects, Orton up for the FU, but Kingston with the save and hits the Boom Drop on Cena, and gives the sign for Trouble in Paradise. Kingston connects, but Cena knocked to the floor, so Kingston goes to Orton and hits the corner splash. Rhodes from out of nowhere sends Cena into the steps, and distracts the ref; this allows DiBiase to knock the leg out from under Kingston. Orton hits the RKO and scores the win and will face Sheamus at the Rumble. 3.75/5 pretty good match, and should be a great title match. Hopefully Kingston wins the Rumble then faces Sheamus at Wrestlemania.

6. We go backstage to the US Champion, Miz, who says when he first came to WWE he was a nobody, and no one respected him. He’s got a point, I hated him when he debuted, but he’s now one of my favorites, so I give him credit. Miz mentions the hell he went through backstage, including being locked out of the dressing room for getting crumbs in someone’s bag. Miz does an impersonation of JBL, who ridiculed him, as Miz mentions everyone wanted him to quit, and he’s stuck it out. Miz says now he has his own locker room, as he makes his way to ringside, he mentions MVP as the number one contender. Miz says MVP doesn’t deserve to be in the same ring with him, as he mentions MVP’s jail time, Miz says he’s perfect and doesn’t care if they cheer him. Miz says they can hate him for being himself, as he is the most captivating superstar on RAW, and I have to agree. Miz continues to mock MVP, and says everyone will respect him, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome! This finally brings out MVP, who’s in his Sunday best! MVP says the WWE Universe knows about his past, as he’s never hidden it because he doesn’t want others to make the same mistakes he made. MVP says he likes the expensive stuff because he earned it, just like he earned the respect of the WWE fans. MVP slowly undresses, and for some reason the fans feel compelled to chant “This is Awesome”. MVP compares Miz to a monkey flinging poo, as Miz gets up in his face. MVP asks if Miz thinks he’s tame because he’s become fan friendly. MVP says he spent nine years in prison, and he survived in a world Miz has only seen on TV, as he says Miz’s real world and his are worlds apart. MVP dares Miz to take a shot at him, and as Miz runs in, MVP takes him down. MVP boots Miz out of the ring and up the ramp, as MVP stands tall in the ring. We now get a recap of last year’s Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony with The Funks, Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Ricky Steamboat and Steve Austin. Once again we go back to 1998 with Mike Tyson knocking out Shawn Michaels from Wrestlemania and holding Austin’s arm up in victory.

7. Eve v. Katie Lea Burchill. Cool, Katie Lea in the tournament, much better than a Bella Twin! Not that Katie stands a snowball’s chance in hell in this match, which sucks considering what a great wrestler she is. Katie with a quick cover, as we were looking at Maryse when the match started. Katie with a submission hold, but Eve kicks out and opens up on Katie, but gets caught in a swinging urunage. Katie caught coming in the corner, but fights back, Eve with a dropkick on Katie, and hits something, but once again the camera is on Lawler & Maryse. Maryse with line of the night, as she mentions how boring this show is!! As they show the ring, Eve rolls Katie up for the win. DUD stupid waste of Katie’s talents, what a pathetic match, as the WWE didn’t even care as they spent half the match showing Maryse sitting at ringside. If they don’t care, why should the fans? This tournament is a joke, we all know Maryse will win, so why waste our time on it? Memo to WWE, watch TNA’s New Years Eve show and see how you utilize your women. Of course TNA’s women are so much more talented, where as WWE women are just fluff. Speaking of fluff, we go backstage to Carlito flirting with Gail Kim as Mr. McMahon walks by.

8. Mr. McMahon makes his way to the ring as we see a recap of last week’s kick to the groin of Bret Hart. Vince has the mic, and says he has not hired extra security, as the crowd starts a chant of “We Want Bret”. Vince says Bret is not here tonight because he is intimated by Vince, as Vince says Bret screwed Bret. Vince continues by saying last week, he screwed Bret, as he says Bret wanted closure on the whole thing. Vince says he doesn’t play nice, as the crowd has moved on to chants of “Boring”, as this show is really sucking this week. Vince says if Bret wants closure, he will never be seen in the WWE ever again. So they waited all show for that? That was a waste of time, which seems to be the theme of tonight’s show, let’s waste two hours with nothing interesting. Is it over yet? I guess not as now we have Tyson and Jericho sparring in the back ready for their match. Next week’s host Don Johnson? Seriously? Don Freaking Johnson? What was Anthony Michael Hall busy? Who’s next, Susan St James? They’re really grasping at straws for guest hosts now, maybe we’ll get Arsenio Hall next?

9. D-X v. Mike Tyson & Chris Jericho. This should be a great match, I mean they’ve pushed Jericho in such a way he looks invincible. Wait no, that’s not this show, they’ve buried Jericho so much he looks weaker then Iron Mike Sharpe at this point. Seriously, does anyone even think Jericho has a chance here? I expect Tyson is going to screw Jericho over, and Jericho gets to be knocked out by Tyson this week. What’s next for Jericho a feud with Hornswoggle? He can be the new Chavo Guerrero and make the midget look good. Shawn once again throws out the challenge to Undertaker, and says he wants his answer next week. Yeah, we have no other ideas, so let’s replay the only watchable part of Wrestlemania 25, great writing WWE. Well, with seven minutes left, let’s see how bad they bury Jericho this week. We start with Tyson and Michaels, as they lock up, Tyson overpowers Shawn to the mat. They lock up again, and Shawn pushed off again, and they lock up for a third time, and Shawn goes flying again. Shawn over to HHH for a consultation, and Triple H’s great idea is to charge at Tyson which gets Shawn shoulderblocked to the mat. Shawn tags in The Game, who comes in and gets in the face of Tyson. They lock up, and wind up in the corner, and we get a break and now Tyson get’s HHH in the corner and Jericho tags himself in. Jericho whips HHH in and Triple H goes for the pedigree. Jericho slides out and gets popped by Shawn, then eats a high knee as Shawn tagged in. Shawn opens up on Jericho, but Jericho goes for a rollup, Shawn counters. Jericho goes for the walls, but Shawn kicks him off right into Triple H. Jericho tags in Iron Mike, who stands over Shawn as Hornswoggle comes out to the ring in boxing gear, ugh. This is so damn stupid, seriously. Now all five in the ring, and Tyson behind Jericho, as her removes his shirt to reveal a D-X shirt. We have a Benoit sign sighting in the crowd right behind Jericho; I’m surprised that made it on TV! Jericho slowly turns around and sees the shirt, and Tyson with a knockout punch on Jericho and Shawn scores the pin. DUD who didn’t see this crap coming, what a waste of time. Jericho humiliated again, what else is new.

Match Recap

1. Alicia Fox pinned Kelly Kelly 2/5
2. Legacy squashed Evan Bourne and Mark Henry 2.25/5
3. Randy Orton beat John Cena and Kofi Kingston 3.75/5
4. Eve beat Katie Lea DUD
5. D-X beat Mike Tyson & Chris Jericho DUD

Seriously, this was the best they could come up with this week? Are they not even trying anymore? This was such a waste of time this week. Other then the three way match, there was nothing worth watching on here. They have so little interest in the Eve/Katie match we didn’t even see half of it as the camera kept switching to Lawler & Maryse at ringside, Katie Lea needs to leave this sinking ship and go to TNA where they can use her talents. Of course same could be said for Jillian Hall and Gail Kim and Natalya as well. This was another in a series of horrible episodes of RAW, is this supposed to make people want to spend money to watch the PPV? Seriously, they increase the price and think buildups like this will do anything. The Orton/Sheamus match might be good, but I’d be surprised to see Sheamus leave the Rumble champion as I can see Orton winning it and facing Cena at Wrestlemania. I hope ECW is a better show then this abomination was.


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