Chris' Blog

Monday Night RAW: D-X in Lilliput

Monday Night RAW: December 21, 2009

Last night TNA held a PPV with one of the greatest matches I’ve ever seen, Kurt Angle v. Desmond Wolfe. I meant to do a full recap for the show, but just didn’t have time, maybe in the New Year. Tonight, we have RAW hosted by some baseball player, should be a better show then last week’s three hour snorefest. I love the fact they pulled Hogan and Foley out of the opening montage, and replaced them with DiBiase & Jeff Hardy. Oh no, tonight we get Little People’s Court, I really hoped they forgot that, and Swagger gets to job to Cena, yippee!

  1. Justin Roberts introduces the guest host Johnny Damon, from the New York Yankees. He comes out to a mixed reaction, if he’s from the Yankees, why is he hosting in Florida? Was no one of interest from Florida available? Damon acknowledges the mixed reaction, and doesn’t quite seem sure of what he’s supposed to say. Damon says they have secret Santa’s tonight, to grant wishes, and then we hear a tiger growling. We get a stupid Tiger Woods joke, are they serious about this garbage? Five minutes in and I’ve had enough already, is that a bad omen for tonight?
  2. Melina, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim v. Maryse, Jillian & Alicia Fox. The diva’s come out in Santa outfits; Maryse looks great in her outfit. I’m surprised to see Gail, was Eve busy? We start with Jillian pounding on Kim, but she misses a charge to the corner and Gail gets the offense. Gail up top with a cross body for a near fall, Jillian misses the hand stand elbow and Gail on her shoulders. Gail gets hit with an electric chair drop, and Maryse tagged in. Maryse hits a backbreaker on Gail, but Gail reverses the head to the buckle and tags in Kelly. Kelly hits an impressive dropkick and then the Hurricanrana, followed by the legdrop for a near fall as everyone runs in. Maryse picks up Kelly, but eats a dropkick and gets pinned by Kelly. 2.25/5 Typical multi-diva TV match, fast and pointless. Alicia & Melina didn’t even get in the ring legally, so whatever. I’m skipping the Little People’s Court crap, couldn’t give a damn about this. The diva’s match got three minutes and the court skit got nine minutes, with more coming later, curses.
  3. Randy Orton & Legacy v. Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston & Mark Henry. So does this mean the team of MVP & Henry is done, and why is Kofi in a six man now? We start with Kool-Aid Man and Orton; Orton slides out and tags Rhodes in. Cody brought in the hard way and then DiBiase gets nailed. Cody off the ropes and press slammed high over Henry’s head, Henry tags in Kingston who starts with a series of kicks and stomps Rhodes down. Kingston misses the corner dive, and The Viper tagged in as we go to commercial. We come back to Rhodes and Kingston, Rhodes has Kofi in a chin lock, Kofi fights out and backdrops Rhodes before tagging in Evan. Bourne with a double dropkick on Ted & Orton, Bourne hits the shooting star press on Rhodes but DiBiase saves the match. Orton pulls Bourne out and clotheslines him on the floor before rolling him back into Rhodes. Rhodes makes a tag, and Orton begins stomping on Evan, Orton gets a near fall then tags in Ted DiBiase. DiBiase with a delayed vertical Suplex, much like Davey Boy Smith, then gets another near fall as Evan Bourne showing his tenacity. Evan starts his way free and gets caught with a vicious lariat, it just about spun Bourne around in mid air. Legacy double team Evan Bourne, but Bourne hits a nice kick on Ted DiBiase and both men are down. Orton gets the tag, and so does Kofi as the rivals are going at it, Kofi with a dropkick, then the missile dropkick, as Kofi hits the boom drop for a near fall. Henry takes out Rhodes, as Orton tags DiBiase in and DiBiase hit with Trouble in Paradise for the win. 3.5/5 nice six man tag as all three guys really shined tonight. This is how I like Mark Henry, in small doses like six man tags. We go backstage to Damon with Eve, Bella Twins and Santa Claus, Carlito comes in and him and Eve under the mistletoe. Carlito goes to kiss Eve, and closes his eyes and out comes Masters. Carlito pulls off Santa’s beard and it’s the Slaughter. Damon makes the match Carlito v. Masters for tonight, then looks up and see’s he and Slaughter under the mistletoe. We go back to the Little People’s Court again and waste another five minutes. These skits are just so stupid, like who actually found this shit funny?
  4. John Cena v. Jack Swagger. Ok, seriously, who thinks Swagger has a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this match? I wonder if Cena’s going to squash Jack Swagger like he did last week to Punk that was despicable. Swagger starts out with a series of nice amateur moves, that’ll confuse Cena, ah hell you can confuse by asking him one plus one! Swagger hits the shoulder blocks in the corner and chokes Cena down, Swagger looking good, it won’t last. There it goes as Cena hits the bulldog and then drops Swagger over the top as we go to commercial. We come back to Swagger with a double shoulder pulling move on Cena, nice, Swagger continues the offense, well he’s done better then Punk did. Swagger catching Cena in a side slam for a near fall, Swagger locks in the double arm submission on Cena again. Cena powers out of the submission and hits the belly to belly Suplex for a two count, Cena runs in to Swagger’s foot and Swagger back in charge. Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb and connects for another near fall, which should’ve been the win. Cena slowly gets to his feet and Swagger goes for the gut wrench, Cena counters out with a backdrop and both men are down. Cena hits a pair of shoulderblocks, as he forgets that he was getting pounded on for the last ten minutes. His comebacks are so stupid, worse than Hogan’s. Cena goes for the FU and Swagger able to counter and hits a nice powerslam. Swagger puts Cena on the second rope and goes for a superplex, Cena counters out and knocks Swagger down then goes for the legdrop, but Jack avoids it. Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb; Cena rolls out of the way and locks in the STF for the win. 3/5 Cena’s comebacks are so bad, he gets beaten up, hits one or two moves and wins, he never sells that he was pounded on, just frustrating. So, are we even going to see the new champ tonight, or what, we’re at the half point and no Sheamus. We go back to Damon & Santa Claus, this time played by Dusty Rhodes. One of these times it’s going to be Santino, as Dusty laughs out comes MVP. MVP wants to make 2010 the year of MVP and wants an opportunity to earn a title shot, as he asks for MVP v. Sheamus tonight. Damon says it sounds like a homerun of an idea for tonight and the match is on. So I guess we’re going to finally see the new champ, about damn time.
  5. Carlito v. Chris Masters. Why does Carlito get some little respect in this company, it’s annoying as hell as Carlito is a great athlete, while Masters shouldn’t even have a job. At least Masters comes out with Eve, who looks great. The match starts with Chris Masters going for the Masterlock right away and Carlito gets the ropes, than hits a cheap shot. Carlito with a sleeper on Masters, who powers out putting Carlito in the corner, then hits a powerslam. Carlito counters the Masterlock, goes for the Backstabber, countered and back to the Masterlock for the win. .75/5 boring squash match, only good part was seeing Eve coming to the ring, Carlito squashed like Duane Gill tonight. Eve pulls out mistletoe and plants a big kiss on Masters, as we go to the Tribute to the Troops recap. Tribute was an ok show, for what it was, but I can’t be bothered to recap it. The matches were not bad, but nothing spectacular, the recap just now showed all the best parts. We now go backstage to the Bella Twins with the Tiger, MVP and Santa IRS. Miz demands all sorts of gifts from Santa, and IRS responds and says Miz can be audited. The fake Tiger Wood’s wife comes out and attacks the fake Tiger, lame. IRS says baseball players are the biggest tax cheats of all. Damon is under the mistletoe and out comes Mae Young who jumps on Damon, yuck how wrong is that, only Lawler can laugh about this garbage.
  6. Sheamus v. MVP Sheamus looks great as the World Champion, much better then Captain Overrated John Cena. Next week’s guest host is some rap guy, that’s not impressive to me either, just about as bad as this baseball guy. MVP needs his old bouncy house intro; I miss that thing, just looked so cool. Someone with a sign that says “Santa give Sheamus a suntan”, that was cute. Sheamus starts out quickly pounding the daylights out of MVP; MVP gets nailed with a vile short arm clothesline. MVP tries to fight his way back, but Sheamus takes him back down and hits the Chokeslam/backbreaker on MVP. Sheamus misses the charge in the corner and MVP starts to work over Sheamus and hits a knee to the face. MVP goes for the big elbow drop and Sheamus with the pumpkick followed but the crucifix powerbomb for the win. 1/5 another squash match as MVP got very little offense in, and Sheamus destroyed. Sheamus should’ve done that last week during the six-man tag, but this was good. Cena makes his way to the ring as Sheamus grabs his title; Cena says he wants his rematch. What does Cena think he has Money in the Bank suitcase as he wants the rematch now? Sheamus leaves the ring and walks back up the ramp, as he should, why should he defend the title after he just wrestled a match? We go backstage to Johnny Damon with Vince McMahon, who’s making fun of Damon being kissed by Mae Young. Damon makes the main event for next week, Cena v. Sheamus and then asks about Bret Hart hosting RAW, Vince says that’s a humbug question.
  7. Miz v. Santino Marella. Santino comes out dressed as Santa Claus throwing gifts to the crowd as Miz watches on. Santino grabs the mic and starts singing “Santino Claus is coming to Town” and says he has a list and checked it twice and doesn’t feel like being nice. Santino nailed by the Miz, Miz just starts stomping Santino, and chokes him on the ropes. Miz hits Santino with a neckbreaker and follows it up by pounding Santino in the corner. Miz attempts the corner clothesline and Santino avoids it, the knocks Miz down, Claus to the second rope and gets caught by Miz. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the victory. 1/5 yet another glorified squash, this is looking like WWF Superstars in the 80s now. Miz grabs Santino’s sack and stomps on it, the kicks it out of the ring. Great now a recap of the Court thing, another waste of about four minutes, lame. Big Show headed to the ring to call out Santa Claus and demands his wish.
  8. Big Show comes out to the ring and grabs the microphone, Show says that Damon promised one Superstar will get his wish granted tonight, Show says that will be him. Show demands Santa comes to the ring now, and here comes the Bella Twins with Santa Claus, would be cool if this one was Jericho. The voice certainly does seem to be Y2J; I may have predicted that correctly. Big Show invites Santa to sit on his lap, Santa asks Show if he’s been good and Show says yes. Santa asks Show what he wants, Show says he wants his best friend and tag partner Jericho back on RAW. Jericho Claus says Chris Jericho will be back on RAW next week, and then we get D-X Hornswoggle who comes in the ring and rips the beard of Santa to reveal Jericho. Horny slides back under the ring as Jerishow in the ring surrounded by a mini D-X army; this is stupid on so many levels. Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler sound like idiots laughing at this crap and thinking it’s funny. Jericho and Big Show start pounding down the midgets, Big Show side slams a midget and picks him up by one foot and throws him to the refs. Jericho gets a hold of Hornswoggle and throws him in the ring; Horny does the Shawn Michaels stomp and hits Sweet Shin Music. Big Show picks up Horny and D-X come running to make the save. Jericho thrown over the top rope and a double groin kick on Show, followed by a Suplex. HHH has the mic, and says they should squash Hornswoggle. Shawn says its Christmas and we can’t, Triple H says for Christmas he wants to squash him, Shawn replies by saying the little guy is growing on him. Shawn asks if they can keep him, promising to walk him and clean his cage. Triple H says that D-X has a height requirement; Shawn says he has an idea, and Triple H tells Horny to drop the court thing and he can be the D-X mascot. Gee, how politically correct is the WWE? Shawn says they have two words, and Horny yells out “Suck It”. What a freaking stupid waste of air time this was, lame beyond all belief. No matter how bad people say TNA is, at least it’s not as lame as this garbage.

Match Recap

  1. Melina, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim beat Maryse, Jillian & Alicia Fox 2.25/5
  2. Randy Orton & Legacy lost to Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston & Mark Henry 3.5/5
  3. John Cena pinned Jack Swagger 3/5
  4. Carlito squashed by Chris Masters .75/5
  5. Sheamus crushed MVP 1/5
  6. Miz destroyed Santino 1/5

Well, it was better than last week’s show, but the D-X garbage was just too much, over half an hour was wasted on that. Having three squash matches back to back was a little much too; at least it wasn’t four, which was what I expected. Glad Swagger got some offense in, but seriously Cena’s comebacks are just so stupid. The Legacy & Orton six-man was a good match, as was Cena & Swagger, the divas were nothing major as usual, and the rest was throwaway. Judged on its own, not a good show, but compared to last week, it was ok.


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