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WWE Monday Night RAW: The Slammy Award for worst show ever goes to this episode of RAW

WWE Monday Night RAW: December 14, 2009

After a very impressive PPV last night, and some new stars at the top, tonight should be a very interesting Monday Night Raw. Tonight is the Slammy Awards hosted by one of my favorite comedians, Dennis Miller, and the preview says there is a 4 man tournament tonight, which I assume the finals will be Cena v. Undertaker since there is no way Vince can wait till Wrestlemania for that. So let’s get on with the show.

We open the show with a preview of tonight’s Slammy Awards, and surprisingly no recap of the PPV. I assume that’ll come later, unless they plan to overturn the Sheamus win, which I can see happening. RAW is live and we have Undertaker v. Orton & Cena v. Punk, winners face each other for the Superstar of the year. Like CM Punk has a chance in hell of winning that.

1. Justin Roberts introduces our host for tonight, the great Dennis Miller. This guy is so cool and funny; when he left SNL is when I pretty much stopped watching. Dennis says after the pyro went off he’s deaf and incontinent. Dennis makes some jokes about the awards, Vickie Guerrero and D-X jokes. I think some of Dennis’ jokes are a little over the head of the crowd and especially Michael Cole. They show a picture of Cena & Obama and the crowd boos, and Dennis says one went thru a table, and one has brought nothing to a table. Dennis plugs the Tribute to the Troops show and his organization, which was pretty classy and cool. Dennis introduces our first presenters Jillian Hall, who looks amazing tonight, and R-Truth. Jillian is in a very nice black dress, and has a nice pair…of Slammy Awards! They are presenting the tag team of the year, I vote for Jillian for best tag team!!! Jillian tries to sing, and R-Truth cuts her off and tells her to shut up, what a jerk. Nominees for Tag Team, D-X (who probably wins), Legacy, Hart Dynasty (who I’d like to see win) & Jerishow (who should win). Jillian announces the winner is Jerishow! Nice to see the team who deserves it most wins, maybe this isn’t all kayfabed, sucks they lost the titles last night. Jericho is the most entertaining part of the WWE right now. Jericho says were you expecting someone else? He continues by saying he could feign surprise, but why bother. Jericho says he wants to thank two people, the cowardly Edge for getting injured, and himself, for choosing Big Show as his partner. Big Show says the microphone is made for shorter people as he has to lean over to talk. Show says he will retain, Jericho corrects him with regain, the tag titles in the near future. Chris says he is invoking their rematch clause tonight. We get the same three man team from last night, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole and Matt Striker. The go over the recap of last night’s PPV and Sheamus’ shocking win. Matt Striker says Tiffany and Teddy Long will present an award later tonight. We get the vote for diva of the year promo, I voted for Mickie of course!

2. Ruthless Roundtable v. Christian, Kane & Great Khali. William Regal, Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov in the ring and Regal has the microphone. Regal says despite what happened last week, they are on the same team tonight and he challenges Christian and two others for a match tonight. Christian comes out limping and introduces his tag team partners, let me guess Kane & Knox, and I was half right! I’m in the minority but I’m glad to see Khali back, I’m his only fan but I think he’s awesome. We start with Kozlov & Khali, Kozlov goes for a kick and Khali pushes him back, Kozlov goes for a takedown and a series of head butts, Khali catches him with a big boot. Kozlov takes in Zeke, who gets taken down and Christian comes in from the top rope with a crossbody. Christian nails Regal, but gets caught by Zeke with a backbreaker; Regal gets tagged in and gets pounded by William. Christian hits a forearm to make the tag to Kane, who destroys Regal with the side slam. Kane up top and hits the flying lariat for a near fall, as Kozlov break the pin and Zeke in, clotheslining Kane down and Kozlov tags himself in and eats a boot. Khali tagged in, hits the chop for the win. 3.25/5 I enjoyed the match, but I like 5 out of 6 of these guys, so I’m biased. Still a nice opening match. We go back to Dennis Miller who introduces Tiffany & Teddy Long for Breakout Star of the year. Tiffany looking good in a red dress, very hot! Nominees are Drew McIntyre, Sheamus (who should/will win), and Yoshi Tatsu & Abraham Washington. The winner is the new WWE champion, Sheamus! Sheamus comes out to a chorus of boos, and says now people should take him seriously. Sheamus says he beat Cena and put him through the table, as the crowd starts the stupid “What” chant, as Sheamus goes over the Hall of Famers who never won a title. Sheamus proudly holds the title high as the fans chant “you suck”; he says Cena will never get the title back. We go to commercial and come back to Cole & Lawler kissing John Cena’s ass, as Striker tells them to put on an orange shirt and shut up. We get a promo of the other 3 in the running for Superstar of the year, which Punk should win.

3. Cody Rhodes v. Kofi Kingston. This should be a good match, as Cody has improved so much since his teaming with Hardcore Holly. I love that Kofi lost night and still has that big grin, does have any idea he lost? Kofi has his shoulder heavily bandaged after blocking the punt; the crowd is chanting Cody which is surprising. They start out in the ropes and Cody goes for the arm, but Kofi gets out of the way. Kofi with a shoulderblock, which hurt him, Kofi hits a nice dropkick and the jumping lariat, then the boom drop as DiBiase makes the run in and out comes Evan Bourne, as we probably get a tag match now, otherwise this is a DUD. Dennis Miller comes out and says he got a Slammy for best Guest Host for restarting the match as a tag match, just like I figured. Kofi & Bourne dive on Legacy as we go to commercial; we come back to DiBiase with an arm bar on Kingston. DiBiase works over the arm, and tags in Rhodes who nails the arm and tags Ted back in. Kofi tries to fight back with one arm and gets taken down again. Striker makes a Marine joke about DiBiase as Cole plugs the Marine 2. Legacy continues to work over the arm over Kofi Kingston with a series of quick tags. Kofi finally makes the tag to Evan Bourne who hits a nice Hurricanrana and spin kick on Rhodes, followed by the knee drop in mid air. Kofi and DiBiase on the floor as Evan then kicked Cody Rhodes to the ropes. Rhodes counters and hits Cross Rhodes for the win. 2.75/5 quick paced tag match, glad they made it a tag match instead of just ending there. Dennis Miller apologizes for the show open and says he should just come out and yell suck it! He introduces the presenters of Santino Marella & Vickie Guerrero; this should be comedy gold as they present the Shocker of the Year. Nominees are Randy Orton DDTs Stephanie (should win), Batista’s heel turn (will win), CM Punk retires Jeff Hardy & Sheamus putting Cubin throw the table. CM Punk wins; I’m surprised as I thought Batista would get it. CM Punk comes out proudly and gets cut off for commercial. We come back to CM Punk’s speech as he insults the crowd, and says he wants to thank himself for having a great year as he goes over his accomplishments for this year. He forgets to mention, he’s made Festus entertaining!

4. CM Punk v. John Cena. Yeah, like Punk has chance of winning this match! John Cena comes out and the crowd cheers, I can’t for the life of me figure out why. We start out as Cena knocks down Punk, Punk returns with a series of knee lifts. Punk hits the knee to the corner/bulldog combo for a near fall. Punk locks in the arm bar, and Cena powers out, kicking Punk, Punk counters to the GTS, Cena reverses to the STF. Punk almost makes the ropes, and Cena pulls him back and locks it back in for a quick win. DUD way to squash Punk, what a waste of time that was. Way to not even give Punk a chance in this match, why he’s in the dog is beyond me. Someone please gag the idiot that keeps screaming, she’s driving me nuts. Cena does the usual crying after losing the title as he apologizes for failing last night. I think Cena fails as a wrestler, he’s overrated and undertalented, he doesn’t deserve to be where he is in the business while guys like Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas & William Regal get no respect. Cena says people may have lost faith in him, but he says that’s ok, and to those who still believes he says he won’t give up. Cena says his road to Wrestlemania starts tonight, and he can’t be stopped. Cena steals Swagger’s gimmick by saying he won’t lose another match, of course you won’t, because you’re Vince’s cash cow. We go back to Dennis Miller, who thanks the WWE for the Tribute to the Troops. Dennis introduces Triple H to present the Match of the Year. Triple gets Dennis Miller’s name wrong and says D-X will defend the titles tonight. Nominees are Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels (will win), John Cena v. Randy Orton, Jeff Hardy v. Edge (should win), Raw v. Smackdown 14 man tag match. Shawn v. Undertaker wins, of course, and Shawn comes out. It was only a good match because the rest of the show sucked. I say Edge/Hardy was ten times better then that match and truly deserves it. Triple H says he had to follow the match, and didn’t stand a chance. That’s because Triple H/Orton at Mania was horrible, as was the rest of Wrestlemania. Shawn is out to brag about the match, but why not Undertaker? Shawn grabs the award, and starts to leave as the fans chant “HBK”; Shawn challenges Undertaker to a rematch. Shawn says he can beat Undertaker and wants a rematch at Wrestlemania 26, let’s hope not.

5. Undertaker v. Randy Orton. I still say Undertaker wins this match, to set up Cena/Undertaker main event tonight. Don’t know if that will be better then Orton v. Cena match number 2753, but at least it’s fresh. Undertaker starts out with a shoulderblock and goes for Old School, which is countered by Orton. Cole & Lawler ignore Striker who says Batista should be the champ, and I agree, and I hate Batista as much as I hate Cena. Both men slug it out and Taker with an advantage, as he hits Snake Eyes and Big Boot combo, as Cole yells out vintage. Taker gets a near fall and goes for the Chokeslam, Orton counters and clotheslines Taker over the top rope, both men outside the ring. Undertaker hits the apron leg drop on Randy Orton, who gets distracted by Legacy. Orton hits an RKO on Undertaker outside the ring and Orton slides in the ring for the win. DUD another complete waste of time, these matches have sucked so far. Legacy roll Undertaker back in and start yelling at him, Undertaker takes Legacy out and chokeslams Orton. Undertaker stands over Orton, as we get Orton v. Cena tonight, yawn. We come back from commercial to Dennis Miller, who says we’re two hours into a seventeen hour show, it feels like it. Miller introduces Vince McMahon, whose music cuts off Dennis Miller’s jokes. Vince McMahon presents the Guest Host of the Year Award. Vince asks if the crowd is dead as he says the audience is lousy, no Vince the show has sucked so far. Nominees include Bob Barker (should win), Seth Green, Shaq (will win) & Osbournes. Vince announces Bob Barker wins the award, and he’s shown on the big screen. Bob says thanks to the RAW audience and he’s proud to have won the award and he had a great time being on RAW. He looked like he had a lot of fun when he was hosting, so I’m glad he won that, may have been the highlight of RAW. Vince asks Dennis who he’d name as Guest Host and Dennis replies with Bret “Hitman” Hart and the place erupts!!! Vince mentions the Montreal Screwjob and says he would not do it, Dennis asks the crowd and we get a hell yeah! Vince just walks off the stage, looking pretty pissed off. Wonder if we will ever get Bret as guest host, it’s been rumored for a while. After the commercial we get Dennis Miller backstage with Chris Jericho, who thanks Dennis for showing him respect. Dennis starts one of his legendary rants!!! I love it!!! Dennis calls Jericho a black hole and makes a Kayne/Taylor Swift joke. I hope Jerishow wins the belts back tonight, because RAW is going to suck without him.

6. D-X v. Jerishow. Jericho has his arm and leg both bandaged as Lawler mentions Little People Court, so we’re not letting that die? Jericho and Triple H start the match, and Triple H does a school boy push over on the ref, and that’s the match. DUD seriously, that’s the match. What the @%#^ was that, what a load of garbage if they don’t have the match. Triple H says that was your one rematch you get, so Jericho is done and needs to leave RAW now. This is the most ridiculous pile of crap I’ve ever seen, this show is failing fast. D-X calls out the D-X army of R-Truth, Hurricane, Finlay, Cryme Tyme, Christian and Shelton Benjamin. Jericho turns around to yell at the army and eats Sweet Chin Music, as he rolls out of the ring the D-X army pushes his up the ramp and out of the arena. We may have a new contender for worst episode of RAW ever, as we see Jericho being pushed out of the arena. Carlito, Chris Masters & Eve come out to present the Extreme Moment of the Year award, as Masters does his boob bounce move, I’d rather see Eve do that!!! Carlito says he can do it too as he asks Eve if she can do it, he says he’ll never know. Nominees are Kofi’s Boom Drop on Orton through the table (will win), Big Show throwing Cena through the light (should win), and Jeff Hardy dives on CM Punk & Triple H’s home invasion. Jeff Hardy wins in tonight’s WTF moment, as Matt accepts the award. Matt Hardy says Jeff is honored to have won the award, Carlito says he won, why Matt is accepting. Carlito clobbers Matt Hardy and accepts the award for him, as Carlito does a great acceptance speech as Eve takes the award. Masters locks Carlito in the Masterlock and throws him to Matt who knocks Carlito out. They then play the trailer for Marine 2, who cares?

7. The Miz, Zack Ryder & Drew McIntyre v. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu & Mark Henry. Well, I guess this is a way to get six guys on the show, as you know the matches have been so long tonight, yeah that’s sarcasm! Nice to see the young guys get some camera time; let’s hope for a good long match. Striker points out the mistake he made last night about the title changes in Texas, which I pointed out in my TLC recap!!! John Morrison lost his fur coat, looks strange without it. It looked well, until the introduced Mark Henry, the talent level took a huge drop just then. It’s cool seeing the IC and US champs on the same team. Mark Henry and Miz start up, as Mark Henry powers Miz up overhead and drops Miz. Henry tags in John Morrison who hits a side leg sweep on his former partner. John with the standing shooting star for a two count, Miz tags in Drew, John pulls him down and misses the run kick as Drew tags out to Ryder. Yoshi begs to be tagged in and John obliges. Zack whips Yoshi in and Tatsu with a shoulderblock, nice little sequence there, Tatsu with the kick for the three! 2/5 way to quick a match should’ve been a lot more time for this match, whatever, let’s just end this damn show now.

8. Mickie James, Melina, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, and Maria & Bella Twins v. Michelle McCool, Layla, Rosa Mendes, Natalya, Beth Phoenix, Maryse & Alicia Fox. I give this less than five minutes for this match, as the divas get no respect ever. All the girls are in evening gowns, so this means it won’t be long, Michelle has pick up Layla and help her in as her dress is too tight. I really don’t care anymore, as this is going to be quick but still painful. The bell rings and Rosa kicks Mickie to start and pulls her down, wonder if we get a slip like on TNA two weeks ago, Lawler hopes for a slip too. Mickie hits a Hurricanrana on Rosa and the DDT for the win. DUD what was the point of introducing 14 divas when only two were in the ring. This show is a complete and utter waste of ^$@#^ time. Goldust and MVP come out to introduce Diva of the Year, which Michelle probably wins. MVP announces the Slammy goes to Maria, what the hell, why? She’s been gone for months and done nothing, sure she’s hot, but she’s useless, might as well have been Rosa winning. To quote Bart Simpson, “I didn’t think it was possible to suck and blow at the same time”. Batista comes out and does a Kayne West thing to Maria, whatever. Dennis Miller introduces the next trainwreck, his words not mine, Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas and Big Dick Johnson, who announce the Oh My moment of the Year. Tony Atlas can’t stop laughing, which is making the show, which shows how bad this crap has been. Nominees are Chris Masters’ dancing pecs, Shawn superkicks a little girl (will win), Michael Cole puking & Santino gets pied (should win). Michael Cole win, and he jumps on Lawler and runs up the ramp, like the tool he is. Cole gives a stupid speech about JR, and Dennis Miller comes back out. Dennis says he has to take his eyes out with a power drill after seeing Bick Dick Johnson, got to agree. Eighteen minutes to go, I think I can, I think I can. We get some more D-X crap, which I fast forward, thankfully as I see Hornswoggle involved that saved me 5 minutes.

9. John Cena v. Randy Orton. Eleven minutes left, and I still see Sheamus losing the belt before we end. Cena starts out quick pounding Orton and hits a poor fisherman Suplex for a near count. Cena with a big slam and elbow drop, Cena misses a bulldog and Orton throws his out of the ring. John Cena rammed into the ring post by Orton and thrown back in the ring for a near fall. Orton stomps on Cena, as the announcers care as much as I do as they recap the Slammy winners and talk about Shawn challenging Undertaker. I’d love to see Orton score an upset, but so not happening. I can see why as Orton is still stomping on John and doing his facial expressions he does so well. Orton goes for a slam, Cena reverses into a bulldog, and Cena climbs the ropes and drops the leg for a near fall. Vintage Orton, as Cole says, with the backbreaker for another near fall. Cena tries to pull himself up and Orton punches him down, then a quick clothesline for a two count. Orton with a Garvin Stomp, can there be a stupid move in wrestling? Orton misses the knee drop and Cena with a pair of shoulderblocks, followed by the fistdrop. Cena goes for FU, countered to RKO, countered to STFU, countered again; Cena hits FU for a near fall. Orton rolls out of the ring, catching Cena with the DDT on the floor. Orton rolls Cena in and Cena of course kicks out as Orton continues the facial expressions. Orton readies for the punt kick and misses, Cena with the FU for the win. 2.5/5 well, was better than expected, but ended as expected. Sheamus appears on the ramp showing the title to John Cena as the show mercifully ends.

Match Recap

1. Christian, Kane & Great Khali beat Ruthless Roundtable 3.25/5
2. Legacy beat Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne 2.75/5
3. John Cena squashed CM Punk DUD
4. Randy Orton win via countout over Undertaker DUD
5. Jerishow beat D-X by disqualification DUD
6. Yoshi Tatsu, John Morrison & Mark Henry beat Miz, Drew McIntyre & Zack Ryder 2/5
7. Team Mickie beats Team Michelle in about a minute DUD
8. John Cena beats Randy Orton 2.5/5

Slammy recap

1. Tag Team presented by Jillian Hall & R-Truth, won by Jerishow
2. Teddy Long & Tiffany present Breakout Star of the year, won by Sheamus
3. Santino & Vickie present the Shocker of the Year, won by CM Punk
4. Triple H presents the Match of Year, which is won by Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels
5. Vince McMahon presents Guest Host of the Year, won by Bob Barker
6. Carlito, Chris Masters & Eve present the Extreme Moment of the Year, won by Jeff Hardy
7. Goldust & MVP announce Maria wins Diva of the Year
8. Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas & Big Dick present Oh My, won by Michael Cole
9. John Cena wins Superstar of the Year

What a horrible excuse for a show that was, it’s bad when Khali has match of the night. It was just three hours of crap and the matches were rushed, especially the diva match. I’m too fed to talk anymore about this show, bring on the good show, ECW. I give this show an F, worse than last week’s Impact, which sucked. Only good things were Dennis Miller and Bob Barker.

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1 Comment so far
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Horrible show.

Comment by Osiris




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