Chris' Blog

TNA Impact: Russo books a trainwreck

TNA Impact – December 10, 2009

So far this week we’ve had one good show and one bad show, and from the match listing for tonight this looks like it could be a bad one. With TNA’s next PPV coming up in 10 days they need to continue building the two good matches, Desmond/Angle and Styles/Daniels, and put some better focus on the knockouts, but I don’t think that is what is coming up tonight. January 4th’s show should be very interesting to see what TNA decides to throw out there against WWE Raw, I would love to see TNA be competitive against WWE and bring back the wrestling wars of the late 90’s, but TNA needs to get rid of Russo and focus more on the in ring talent and less on the flotsam like Lashley, Rhino, Team 3D and Sting. Well, let’s see how this week’s show goes, not optimistic at all.

Tonight we open with Hogan recap, where is Sting and the hype for the return of Jeff Jarrett, along with Desmond Wolfe and Angle’s amazing feud. The Desmond Wolfe/Kurt Angle feud has been awesome far and should be an amazing match. We cut to Foley and Nash backstage, Nash says he arranged a sit down with Foley and Hogan, Nash says in return he wants to run the show tonight. Great, isn’t this that which killed WCW, among other things? Three minutes in and my head hurts, this can’t be a good freaking sign. Foley agrees and he and JB leave, and Nash picks up the phone and asks for the security tapes for the office. We go to our opening video; I looked up just in time to see Ms. Zombie Hot!!!

1. We go to the ring for the introduction of Eric Young and tonight’s guest host, Kevin Nash. Well, as long as he doesn’t wrestle this should be ok, Nash on the mic, funny, Nash in the ring, not funny. Nash says tonight he gets to make the matches and set up the festivities because he set up a meeting with Foley and Hogan. Didn’t we just see this stuff in the opening video; did the live audience not see the pre-tapes? Nash goes over tonight’s matches: British Invasion v. Motor City Machine Gun Chris Sabin, Scott Steiner & a Knockout v. Bobby & Krystal Lashley, Eric Young v. Hamada, Tara v. ODB in a trailer park throw down, Team 3D, Rhino & Jesse v. Pope, Hernandez, Morgan & Suicide, Lacey Von Erich v. Velvet Sky in a mud match, and a title shot to the highest bidder. This is going to be a train wreck; Tazz says Nash has a future in booking, yeah right. We cut to Foley’s search for Dixie in Tennessee, hope he doesn’t get amnesia and think he’s a sea captain again. Foley find someone who tells him Jarrett goes a place for lunch, so Mick is on his way there, guess this is going to run all night. They then announce the 3 hour Impact on Monday, January 4th. Fifteen minutes in and we finally get a match, if you can call this a match.

2. Rob Terry, Doug Williams & Brutus Magnus v. Chris Sabin. Goody another handicap match, we just had one on RAW this week, so let’s see which one is going to suck less. Sabin starts out with Williams and Sabin starts with a wrist lock, reversed to a head lock, Sabin whips Doug and leapfrogs, back to the headlock. Sabin hits a nice boot to the head, but gets whipped in and kneed in the back from Brutus. Sabin dropkicks Magnus to the floor then throws Doug to him. Sabin prepares to dive on both men but gets hit with a vicious clothesline from Rob Terry as Williams rolls back in and drops the knees. Sabin tags in Williams and they double team Chris Sabin, Sabin then gets hit with a big boot and then the tag to Rob Terry. The chant of “You can’t wrestle” begins as Terry misses a big elbow drop and Sabin caught from behind but counters and all three in the corner. Sabin avoids a double clothesline which catches Terry; Sabin hits the springboard clothesline on Williams and Magnus. Terry hit with the tornado DDT and pinned as Sabin beats the odds. 3/5 for a handicap match Sabin kept it entertaining and at least Rob was only in for the last minute or so. After the match Brutus & Williams get in the face of Rob Terry, who looked about to burst, so we cut to the back. Christy Hemme backstage with Scott Steiner, Christy asks Steiner who will be his partner. Steiner says he will get a freak to sit at ringside while he beats Bobby & Krystal. We now go back to Foley in Tennessee as he’s now at some diner; Mick finds some lady named Ruby. Foley asks if she knows where Jarrett is, and she says she hasn’t seen him in a month or so.

3. Bobby & Krystal Lashley v. Scott Steiner & Awesome Kong. Well this is going to be a really bad match up, seriously Krystal wrestling, why? Then again maybe she’ll be better then Bobby that wouldn’t take much. Steiner comes out and has Krystal’s face airbrushed on his crotch, yeah Rick Rude did that 20 years ago, and did it better. Steiner’s partner then introduced and it’s Awesome Kong, great facial expression from Krystal. We start with Steiner & Bobby; Steiner quickly bails out of the ring after a big slam. Lashley follows Steiner out and both men back in the ring, Steiner gets Lashley in the corner and starts to pound on Bobby. Lashley counters out into a stomach buster; Lashley hits a shoulder block in the corner and follows with a vertical Suplex. Lashley goes off the rope and gets tripped by Kong who wants a tag, as Steiner hits a clothesline, Steiner calls her in and she misses Lashley and hits a clothesline on Steiner. Steiner gets in her face and Lashley catches Steiner with a T-Bone Suplex. Both men outside again and Steiner runs Lashley into the steps and goes after Krystal. Krystal backs into the ring right into Kong, who slams Krystal and goes up top as Steiner goes for the pin. 2.5/5 not as bad as expected as Krystal never really did anything. Steiner does his pushups over top of Krystal, as Lashley gets in the ring and Steiner & Kong bail out. We go backstage to Lauren with Samoa Joe, as Lauren announces Joe is in the Feast or Fired match at the PPV. Joe talks about being left out of the tournament from a couple weeks ago and says he will get the title shot he deserves as Storm and Roode come in. Storm says you could be fired and back on the islands, Roode says the two of them are in the match as well so they can get their hands on the British Invasion. Joe steals Storms catchphrase, Storm says we have double the opportunity to get the right case. Roode says or double the opportunity to get the wrong case but it’s worth it. Storm takes off the glasses and says is its worth breaking up the team. We come back from commercial to Lacey, Velvet and Madison in the locker room complaining about the mud match. Madison says this beneath all of us as they packing their gear and leaving. Nash just walks in the dressing room and says this is for ratings as no one would change the channel during this match. Nash says imagine the attention they’ll get during this match, and the money they’ll make from this. Nash says the three of you, and Madison stops him, Nash says we need a referee and Nash pulls out a little top for Madison to referee. The Beautiful People say you have a deal and the match is on, Velvet and Madison make fun of Lacey’s stupidity and she doesn’t even realize it. We now get the interview with Hogan from some UFC show. We then jump to Tara backstage with Lauren as she complains about the stupidity of tonight’s match, and I agree. Wonder if Tara is wearing underwear this week, last week she gave quite a show on ODB’s talk show! We then cut to Hemme with Eric Young; EY says he wouldn’t do this match for anyone but Nash. Too many cuts here, this is crash TV at its absolute worst, seriously, we need a few less segments here, and it’s getting head spinning. EY says he will treat this match seriously, and tonight is Hamada’s chance and she needs to take it seriously.

4. Hamada v. Eric Young. Well so far we’ve had a handicap match, a mixed tag and now intergender match. This is really testing my patience this week, you can smell the Russo all over this show and it’s pathetic. Why the hell does he still have a damn job anyway? I’d rather see Bischoff write the shows then this garbage. Hamada should be facing one of the knockouts and Eric is super talented and should be treated better than this. Tazz says there is no reason for Eric to take this match seriously, so why should anyone else then? The belt looks huge on Eric, looks funny. Sadly with this booking I can see Hamada winning the belt tonight, why not right? Eric pats Hamada on the head, twice and Hamada has enough and spin kicks Eric to the floor. She follows and lays the beating on Young. Back in the ring and she misses the charge to the corner, but hits another kick on Eric who’s on the top rope. Hamada hits a top rope Hurricanrana for a two count, but misses the moonsault as Eric covers for the pin. 1.5/5 at least she got some offense, but that just made both of them look bad. Hamada went from beating both members of the tag champs to this and EY had to cheat to win. Still forty minutes left, make it stop, this is just ridiculous now, and it’s like a bad Ed Wood movie at this point. The Beautiful People are backstage in robes, Madison says we need a wardrobe function tonight; I have to agree that might save the show. Lacey says they should just wrestle, and Madison agrees as they all laugh. They have their back to the camera as they show their outfits to each other. We go back to the search for Elvis; I mean Double J as Foley is at another restaurant. Foley is asking for directions, this is supposed to get ratings, how? All of the sudden we hear Jarrett’s voice as we cut back to the ring. We go backstage again to ODB and Hemme as ODB is drinking her beer and says tonight is a business as usual match. ODB grabs her title and heads to the ring.

5. Tara v. ODB. A non-title street fight match, as Tara still drinking as she comes to the ring. This match should be sponsored by AA. We go back to last week as ODB pounds on Tara, and I see they didn’t censor Tara’s nudity, way to go for ratings!! ODB hands Tara a bucket to puke in, Tara hits her with it and they’re out of the ring already. Tara grabs a Tiki Torch and crotches ODB and throws her in a wheelbarrow. ODB spits beer in Tara’s face; ODB wraps Trinity’s yellow tape around Tara, Trinity looked hotter wrapped in it. Tara gets a plunger in the rear and rolls her back in, the crowd doing the split chant. Tara slingshot into the ladder set up in the corner, ODB then grabs a little step stool and climbs up it and hits a splash for a two count. This is just a serious of weapon shots; these two could do a much better match then this. They don’t need the weapons, Tara accidentally loses a trash can lid as it flies into the crowd. There’s a lawsuit they don’t need! Tara hits the standing moonsault on ODB who had a trash can lid on her. Tara climbs the ropes and falls off due to being in a Scott Hall like condition. ODB chokes Tara with a chain and hits the X-Factor on the chair for the win. 1/5 just a serious of weapon shots and Tara stumbling around drunk, lame. What a waste of airtime that was, as we go back to Foley and JJ. JJ says he’s been living in hell, and wants to know why Foley came to Tennessee. Foley says things may have been tough but Foley’s known JJ for over twenty years. JJ says old Double J can’t stay away from wrestling, but Jeff Jarrett can. We now jump to Tenay saying they can’t air the footage of Abyss do the graphic nature, sure why not.

6. Rhino, Jesse Neal & Team 3D v. Hernandez, Matt Morgan, D’Angelo & Suicide. Jesse comes out in Pope’s robe as D-Von says sorry to Pope. Bubba has the mic and says this match is a handicap match, why not, not like we haven’t seen enough of those this week. We go to commercial as team Hernandez comes out. Morgan pounds on Rhino in the corner to start but misses a blind charge as D-Von tagged in. Morgan pounds on D-Von in the corner now. Morgan tags in Suicide as D-Von tags in Bubba; Bubba powers Suicide into the corner and misses a cheap shot. They repeat the sequence and this time Suicide with an arm drag and a dropkick, Suicide up top and Jesse shoves Suicide to the floor. Suicide rolls back in and gets hit with the big boot from Bubba who makes the tag to Jesse. Jesse pounds Suicide in the corner and tags in the War Machine who continues the pounding on Suicide. Rhino tags in D-Von who rams Suicide’s head in the corner but eats a knee from Suicide. Suicide tags in Hernandez as Jesse tagged in; Hernandez takes out the whole team by himself, but get caught by Jesse from behind. Jesse gets hit with a big shoulder block, Hernandez dives over the top rope and hits Rhino & 3D. Hernandez back in and picks up Jesse and slams him down for a near fall. Bubba rolls in and hits a full nelson slam, but gets a big boot from Morgan, Rhino with a belly to belly on Morgan but Suicide in and takes out Rhino. Suicide caught by D-Von and D-Von then gets Hernandez on the top rope; Hernandez fights out and hits the border toss on D-Von but gets speared by Jesse. Jesse pins Hernandez for the win. 3.25/5 quick paced match as the talented members of each team held the match together and not bad for a handicap matchup. After the bell Hernandez in quadruple teamed, Suicide pounded down by Jesse and the Pope comes out for the save as his knee is heavily bandaged. We cut to a promo of Tyson Tomko working out, as we find out Tomko is back.

7. Velvet Sky v. Lacey Von Erich. All three girls come out together, well saves some time that way. Madison pulls her robe off to show her one piece ref outfit, nice. They head to the mud and Lacey disrobes next, showing off her little cut off jeans and purple top. Velvet is wearing white top and black shorts, as they get ready to enter the mud pool. TBP do their kiss into in the mud, nice start to the match, as they are slipping and sliding already. Lacey goes down first by Velvet, as they roll around. Madison laughs at them and they pull her down, as Tenay screams three way. Velvet pins Lacey with a lame looking rollup. DUD this was just T&A and that’s all there was to it. Memo to TNA, don’t do TNA if you can’t show T or A. This just made all the knockouts look bad and wrestling as a whole look bad. Stupid idea, but at least it wasn’t on PPV. After the match Lacey pulls Madison and Velvet down and they roll around some more. We go backstage to Jay Lethal and Lauren. Lauren mentions Lethal’s loss to Jim Neidhart, Jay says he didn’t know who his opponent was. Jay says he doesn’t care who the opponent is he’ll beat them as he challenges Hogan. Back to Foley & JJ, Foley says he trusted Jeff as financial backer but wants to know where Hogan leaves him. Jeff says remember who founded TNA with his money and for five months he has disappeared. Foley says that’s his fault, and Jeff says the punishment didn’t fit the crime and the conversation is over. Foley says the old double J would’ve fought harder and mentions JJ’s girls. JJ’s tells Foley to sit down as they need to talk.

8. AJ Styles v. Desmond Wolfe. AJ introduced as he faces who ever paid Nash the
most money. Maybe they can bring in the Million Dollar Man for this match, after all everyone has a price! Desmond announced as the challenger, way to waste this match on TV with no build up. With only eight minutes left I assume Angle and Daniels will get involved setting up a tag match next week. The bell rings and out comes Kurt Angle as we get to watch Kurt walk to the announce table as the match starts. Desmond starts with a wrist lock and AJ counters out but Desmond keeps the hold on. AJ reverses the wrist lock and Desmond re-reverses it, as Tenay announces more of JJ and Foley, way to focus on the match, just as I type that we get a shot of Angle again. Desmond whips AJ to the buckle but AJ reverses. AJ misses a splash and gets hit with the hammer lock slam followed by an arm drag. Desmond continues to work over the arm of Styles but misses a charge and AJ on the offensive. AJ with a springboard forearm then they collide and as Wolfe falls he kicks AJ in the groin. Wolfe claims it was accidental and as the ref looks away he points to his head. Desmond sets up for the lariat and Daniels hooks Wolfe’s leg and AJ quickly rolls up Wolfe for the win. 3/5 to short to be any more than that, and a cheap ending to boot. Daniels returns to the back and Desmond Wolfe goes after Daniels and both start throwing forearms at each other as the refs pull them apart. Back to JJ and Foley again, as JJ talks about it being five months since he spoke to Dixie. JJ says if she won’t talk to Foley why she would want to talk to Jarrett. Foley says Dixie knows there would be no TNA without Jarrett and Jarrett needs to come to the Impact Zone next week. JJ says OK and shakes Foley’s hand as the show mercifully comes to an end.

Match Recap

1. Chris Sabin beat the British Invasion 3/5
2. Bobby & Krystal Lashley lost to Scott Steiner & Awesome Kong 2.5/5
3. Eric Young pinned Hamada 1.5/5
4. Tara pinned by ODB 1/5
5. Team 3D, Jesse & Rhino over Hernandez, Suicide & Matt Morgan 3.25/5
6. Lacey Von Erich pinned by Velvet Sky DUD
7. AJ Styles over Desmond Wolfe 3/5

That had to be one of the most painfully boring and gimmick ridden shows I’ve ever seen. This was just horrible to watch and was worse than last week’s RAW. The whole show seemed like a lesson in futility as there no point to half the stuff and the Foley garbage just dragged on and on. What was the point of Sabin beating all three guys, it made the Invasion look bad and basically shows that one guy can beat all three, pointless. The mixed tag was stupid as Krystal is not a wrestler and is a waste of Kong. Lashley’s TNA run so far has been a bust and he can go back to the UFC or whatever it was he was doing as he’s not doing anything good here. The intergender match was an abomination as Eric Young came off looking weak as Hamada kicked his ass and then he cheats to win. The seven man tag was the highlight, and even that was not great. I’m a huge fan of TBP but this was just a cheap T&A ploy by TNA, if you’re going to do T&A then let them show skin, at least that may pop a rating. Not like they’re afraid to show skin on TNA as we saw a little of Tara then expected both last week and this week. The main event could’ve been a match of the year, but for a match like this they need to hype it, build it up and let them with no Angle or Daniels, as it was it was just rushed. Overall, this was a poor episode of Impact and a waste of 84 minutes of time.


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