Chris' Blog

WWE RAW: Matches, We Don’t Need No Good Matches!
December 1, 2009, 1:57 pm
Filed under: WWE RAW | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday Night RAW: November 30, 2009

Welcome to my second week of WWE/TNA blogs. Last week we had some pretty good shows. Let’s hope this week brings us a couple of good shows too. Unfortunately I am not very optimistic about tonight’s Monday Night Raw. The only thing that has been announced for tonight is DX and Hornswoggle in court, with Verne Troyer; I don’t feel good about that. Hopefully they continue the push for Sheamus tonight, that’s been the best of WWE right now. Let’s get on with tonight’s episode.

Raw opens with the worst opening of the five shows; this has to be my least favorite song. Coming live from Baltimore, wish they had had Stacy Keibler host instead of Troyer. Kofi v. Orton tonight, should be a good match, might just save the show. Cole pisses me off early by saying shagadelic, what is this 1997? C’mon Cole that wasn’t funny even when Austin Powers was in theaters. Here come the tag team champions.

  1. Big Show and Chris Jericho come out with all four belts, when are they going to make one set of titles, seriously? It’s been 9 months since the unification and still two sets of belts, talk about taking your time. Jericho with microphone first and says D-X is not the greatest of all time, and I have to agree. Cripple H and Yawn Michaels are not exciting in the ring and need to just disappear. Wow, a four month title reign, that’s considering lengthy nowadays which is sad. Jericho runs down the other teams, Cryme Tyme, Legacy, Kane and Undertaker, Mark Henry and MVP. Jericho says they won the titles the first time they teamed and D-X has been together since 1997 and has not won the belts. Show says D-X will become like their merchandise, outdated and garbage. Show talks about all the title’s the two of them have held, Jericho says we can’t be beat. Show says his fist is a lethal weapon and knocked out both members of D-X. Jericho concluded by saying D-X has never been in a TLC match ever, D-X doesn’t know what they’re in for. As if on cue, out comes the old men, they look like idiots with the hats on, and the glow sticks are so childish. Shawn looks like a walking billboard with all the D-X paraphernalia on. Triple H says you’re boring us to death, pot meet kettle. Triple H says your champions but no one cares about you and that D-X makes history. Triple H with the cheap pop talking about the D-X dorks, I mean army. Shawn says in his hometown at TLC they’re going to win the title, and that when they win Jericho will be gone from RAW and be back on Smackdown. This of course cues to crowd to start the goodbye chant. Jericho responds to that by saying Raw without Jericho is nothing and the ratings will fall. How can the ratings fall anymore than they already are? Jericho says D-X coasts on their reputation and rest on their laurels, and can’t accomplish in twelve years what Jerishow can accomplish in one night. Triple H says two weeks can’t come fast enough and Jericho’s time is limited, and then challenges Jericho to a match tonight. Jericho confers with Show, and accepts as long as the loser faces the winner and his partner in a handicap match next week. Jericho concludes by saying “I’m never leaving RAW”, and I hope he doesn’t. Well that took 17 minutes to announce a main event, what a lengthy waste of air time, and we still have D-X and Hornswoggle in court. Yuck!
  2. Melina & Gail Kim v. Jillian Hall & Maryse. We come back from commercial to the music of Melina, who comes out with her tag team partner for tonight Gail “I should’ve stayed in TNA” Kim. Josh Matthews backstage with the hottest of the hot, Maryse and the always stunning Jillian Hall. Now that’s one heck of a hot team right there, my two favorite blondes in WWE. Jillian needs to sing more, that’s always great. I even have Jillian Christmas CD, it’s so much better then John Cena’s crap CD. We start with Maryse and Melina. Maryse backs off and a tag in to Jillian Hall, Maryse distracts Melina and Jillian rolls her up for two. Melina with a botched monkey flip, tag to Gail who hits the missile dropkick. Maryse with a cheap shot that helps Jillian get the advantage. Jillian follows up with back breaker, elbow drop and then tosses her by the hair. Gail playing face in peril tonight as Maryse is tagged in. Melina leans in the ring so far she almost falls over, Maryse distracted and Gail gets the tag. Melina with a clothesline, dropkick, big kick and a spear. Jillian in and tossed into Gail. Gail and Jillian outside while Melina and Maryse brawl. Melina goes for the flip piledriver; Maryse grabs the ropes and hits the DDT on Melina for the win. Nic e return for the French Canadian bombshell. 2.5/5, a little quick as usual for the divas. Melina and Jillian had a slight botch, but Maryse looked great as always. Not a bad little TV match, I look forward to Melina v. Maryse one on one. Recap of Sheamus and his rise to number one contender to Cena’s title.
  3. Sheamus v. Santino. Sheamus comes out and grabs the microphone. He begins by telling Cena why he should take him seriously, because he can beat him. Sheamus explains the rules for the match, which Michael Cole just did 30 seconds ago. Sheamus says he will be taken seriously. Santino’s music plays, and King says asks what is Santino doing out here as the announcer announces Santino is Sheamus’ opponent tonight. Santino says you must be too focused on John Cheena, and says Sheamus must be overlooking him. Santino says Sheamus is jealous because Santino has skin pigmentation.  Santino then says Sheamus must think he’s after his Lucky Charms!!! Santino as always is pure comedy gold, the man deserves his own talk show, who can be funnier then Santino? Sheamus doesn’t look amused though, Santino says they’re magically delicious. Santino is going to get killed here, but it’s funny. Sheamus with a cheap shot and lays a beating on Santino. Sheamus with a short clothesline, the bell hasn’t even rung yet. Santino is getting destroyed by the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus hits the big boot on Santino ad picks him up again. Sheamus sets up Santino on his shoulders for the Razor’s Edge, laying out Santino. This is not going to be a match obviously as Santino’s out; Sheamus meanwhile sets up a table in the corner. The crowd is chanting Cena, Sheamus drives Santino through the table and tells Cena he’s coming for him. No rating needed as there wasn’t even a match; this was just a way to show Sheamus can put someone through a table. Jerishow backstage run into Verne Troyer, who only comes up to Show’s knee! That’s freaking hilarious, didn’t realize how tiny he is.
  4. Well almost half way through the show the guest host comes out. Verne Troyer on a stool, no offense but he looks funny. At least they didn’t put him in a high chair. He’s got a really high voice, never knew that. Verne says everyone was nice to him at Summerslam except one person who was a jerk, The Miz. This of course brings out the US Champion, hope his laryngitis cleared up. Miz has a microphone and starts with the short jokes on Verne, says he almost stepped on him. Says if you thought he was inconsiderate he apologizes and offers to get his a wig and some cool clothes and call him Mini Miz. Verne says “I’d imitate you to but you haven’t done any movies”. Verne says he’s surprised they filmed two jackass movies, and that he’s better with the ladies. Miz calls Verne a little twerp and says he’ll use Verne as a football. Mark Henry comes out to defend Verne from the Miz, and I bet we have a match for the belt. Miz calls him the world’s blandest man, Fat Bastard. Miz says Verne’s 15 minutes of fame is over so get off the stage. He’s the Miz and he’s awesome!!! Verne says he wants to slap the grin off Miz’s face but has someone else in mind, and then announces Miz v. Henry tonight. Saw that coming a mile away, what a shock.
  5. Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton. This should be a good match. Kofi coming out to the ring and attacked by Cody Rhodes. Rhodes whips Kofi into the steps, well that was surprising, but where was Ted DiBiase? King says the match may not happen, which of course mean it will happen. Kofi slowly climbs into the ring as we get a recap of 30 seconds ago for those with ADD. Kofi in the ring and says he wants the match still. Randy’s music hits as Ted DiBiase attacks Kofi from behind and is pounding on the knee. Well, that answered my question of where he was. Refs get DiBiase out of there as Kofi is holding his knee, as we get another recap of thirty seconds ago. At least it was from a different angle. Kofi holding the leg and demands the match, as Orton’s music hits again and the Viper on his way to the ring. Randy starts out working on the leg of Kofi as he pounds the leg on the ring apron. Orton rams the knee into the ring post and then rolls back in the ring. Kofi is down and in pain; Randy refuses to slow down and continues to pound on Kingston. Kofi slingshot into the bottom rope and struggles to pull himself up as Randy pummels Kingston in the corner. Kingston finally firing back on Orton but gets hit with and RKO for the win. 1/5 was more of a beat down then an actual match, but the attacks from Legacy were a surprise. So far not a good night for matches, a 2.5 and a 1 so far and only 40 minutes left. Randy still over Kofi as he pulls him up and sets Kofi on the top rope. Randy with very vile looking DDT on Kofi Kingston and Kofi is out cold now. Orton gets the best facial expressions when he’s intense, very scary looking. Crowd chants Randy Sucks as Orton admires him handiwork. I guess we have to count on Miz to save the show this week. We come back from commercial to see MVP and Verne Troyer backstage playing Smackdown, as Jillian comes out to sing. Jillian looks so good in blue; she’s the true highlight of RAW. MVP tells Jillian to sing her song, and Jillian sings and dances with Mark Henry. Mark Henry then proceeds to trip and fall on Jillian, leaving he crushed on the floor. Verne says I think she’s dead guys as MVP and Mark leave.
  6. Oh goody, here comes the chump, John Cena. Please leave and make another crappy movie, OK? Cena complains about being put through a table by Sheamus. Cena says Sheamus hasn’t won anything yet and Cena is still the champion. Cena says if he loses the table match, he will take his rematch the same night, what? So basically Cena is saying if I don’t win I want a do over? Cena then says he wants Sheamus here and now for the title. Of course, Sheamus already had a match, why not. What the hell, Carlito’s music hits as here comes the Caribbean star? Well, that’s a surprise. Nice to see Carlito back, of course he’s going to have to lose to Cena, just like everyone else has to do. Carlito says what I’m thinking, the locker rooms hope Sheamus beat’s Cena, because people are tired of Cena hogging the spotlight. I agree, why isn’t Carlito in the spotlight? Carlito says Sheamus is going to do what everyone wants to see, Cena going through a table. Cena my represent some people, but Sheamus represents the locker room. I can only hope Carlito’s right; a WWE without Cena would be a dream come true. Cena goes to his goofy serious voice, he sounds like such a tool when he tries to talk seriously. Cena tells Carlito to step up, Cena promises to unleash hell. C’mon Carlito kick his ass, Carlito is ten times the talent of Cena. Cena with a cheap shot and hits the AA on Carlito and throws him over the top rope as Sheamus’ music hits. Sheamus stands at the top of the ramp as Cena calls him out; Sheamus starts to come down, and changes his mind. Cena thinks he is Hulk Hogan, not even close John; you’ll never equal the star power of Hulk, Austin or the Rock. We go to commercial and come back to Troy his stool again, twenty five minutes left and basically one match so far. Verne introduces MVP and Mark Henry. MVP says WWE audience prepare for an epic moment, as we have a big moment here. Mark Henry has a microphone and is going to rap, oh boy…in the words of the late Curt Hennig “Rap is Crap”. OK, I tried, time to fast forward, this is pathetic.
  7. Mark Henry v. Miz. It’s all on Miz to save RAW tonight as this has been a bad episode. Mark Henry overpowers Miz as he throws Miz in the corner. Miz counters and then starts to  pound on the Kool-Aid Man. Henry shrugs it off and continues the offense. Miz knocks the big guys down and hits the boot to the face. Miz with a series of kick and jumps on Mark’s back. Miz is just laying a beating on the big guy and hits the clothesline and climbs the ropes. Miz dives into Mark’s arms for the world’s strongest slam for the win. 1/5, basically a squash win for Henry over the much more talented Miz. Henry goes over to Verne for the high five and calls out the ladies. Here come the Bella Twins, Kelly and Eve to dance with Mark and Verne. Mark puts Verne on his shoulder. We go backstage as Jericho on his way to the ring. Next week host, Mark Cuban, not a clue who that is. Have we run out of D-List stars, what about Kathy Griffin? D-X backstage talking about little people’s court saying it must not have happened. All of the sudden, there’s Hornswoggle, yeah I’m thrilled. D-X just walks away; at least we were spared having to see that crap.
  8. Chris Jericho v. Triple H. Could we finally get a good match? Is it possible after 77 minutes of crap so far? Well, only 13 minutes left, so won’t be a long match, but hopefully be better then rest of the show I hope. I assume Jericho is going to lose and face both D-X next week, can’t let D-X look bad right? So Jericho comes out alone, but Cripple H has to bring his boy toy with him, can’t he do anything alone? Did they work together to conceive they’re kids too? At this point I just want this show to end, this has been a horrendous episode of RAW after last week was so good. Great now Shawn is on the headset, well better than watching him wrestler. Jericho starts out by bailing out of the ring and HHH with a cheap shot as Big Show’s music hits, and here’s the World’s Largest Athlete. As HHH is distracted Jericho hits the triangle dropkick and to commercial we go. We come back to Big Show on the headset as well, as Triple H got the advantage during the break, big shock. They wind up outside and Triple H goes into the stairs, Jericho starts pounding on The Game. Both guys in the ring as Jericho as Hunter in the corner and lays a beating on him. Jericho with a sleeper on Triple H, he fights out and whips Jericho in, hits the high knee followed by the face buster for a two count. Triple H whips Jericho in the corner and Jericho with a boot into the Walls of Jericho but Hunter counters. Jericho with a shining wizard for another close call. Jericho goes for the Lionsault but Hunter with knees up, Jericho counted the pedigree for a near fall, both guys slug it out. Jericho goes for the bulldog, but Triple H with a vicious lariat. Both men are slow to get up, Triple H up first, and pedigree countered with the DDT for a very close two count. Jericho kicking Triple H, Trips with a quick spine buster. Big Show gets up and so does Shawn, Shawn bounced off the apron and hits the right hand on Cripple H. Big Show kicked out and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music on Jericho and Shawn kicked out as well. Both guys knocked down and out as their partners are sent backstage. Both men down as the ref counts, Jericho goes for code breaker, countered to pedigree, countered to wall, countered in to a roll up for the win. 2/5 not a good match, just seemed like another way to destroy Jericho and put over the same old guys. Of course had Jericho won, next week we’d probably have seen Triple H pin both Jericho and Show by himself so it was really a loss-loss match. It ended exactly as I figured it would. Shawn says next week is Jericho’s last night on RAW. Like RAW could get any worse at this point.


Match Recap

  1. Melina & Gail  Kim lost to Maryse & Jillian Hall 2.5/5
  2. Randy Orton beat Kofi Kingston  1/5
  3. Mark Henry squashed The Miz 1/5
  4. Triple H beat Chris Jericho 2/5

Not a good RAW at all, easily one of the worst in a long time. The diva match was too quick as always, Santino and Sheamus wasn’t even a match, Orton squashed Kofi like a bug, Miz got destroyed and Cripple H wins again. What a waste of time that was, the only plus at least we didn’t have to see much of Hornswoggle. What a disappointing episode after last week’s great show the WWE did not deliver a good show this week. Way too much garbage and very little in the way of matches, and what we got for matches were just crap. When the divas get the match of the night, you know it’s a bad show. I just hope ECW is better, probably won’t get time to watch it till Thursday, so I’ll be back then with the ECW Report! Thanks for reading. Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow!


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

From my view, RAW has been on a decline for weeks, if not months. It has it’s moments, but lately, I’m finding it harder to keep watching every week. I prefer to watch SmackDown. ECW is on too late for me (midnight on Global).

I still can’t get used to the guest hosts either. I have to admit, it was GREAT to see Trish not too long ago. But overall, it’s a failed concept for me.

I know they are TV-PG, but they can still do better than this. I started watching “WWF” in the late 90’s, the age of Austin and the original DX. I can only hope the WWE can recover to become just a fraction of what it was back then, at least for me.

Comment by Ken

that was good.

Comment by s8529226

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